While that email was neither nice nor fair, it was kind and it changed my life. Sure, my colleague could’ve been gentler.[*] But that didn’t mean he was wrong. Too often, the people we ask for feedback are kind but not nice. Kind people will tell you things a nice person will not. A kind person will tell you that you have spinach on your teeth. A nice person won’t because it’s uncomfortable. A kind person will tell us what holds us back even when it’s uncomfortable. A nice person avoids giving us critical feedback because they’re worried about hurting out feelings. No wonder we end up thinking
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