Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results

by Shane Parrish

In order to get the results we desire, we must do two things. We must first create the space to reason in our thoughts, feelings, and actions; and second, we must deliberately use that space to think clearly.

When we react without reasoning, our position is weakened, and our options get increasingly worse.

We’re taught to focus on the big decisions, rather than the moments where we don’t even realize we’re making a choice. Yet these ordinary moments often matter more to our success than the big decisions. This can be difficult to appreciate.

Rationality is wasted if you don’t know when to use it.

In the space between stimulus and response, one of two things can happen. You can consciously pause and apply reason to the situation. Or you can cede control and execute a default behavior. The problem is, our default behavior often makes things worse. When someone slights us, we lash out with angry words. When someone cuts us off, we assume malice on their part. When things go slower than we want, we become frustrated and impatient. When someone is passive-aggressive, we take the bait and escalate. In these moments of reaction, we don’t realize that our brains have been hijacked by our biology, and that the outcome will go against what we seek.

So our first step in improving our outcomes is to train ourselves to identify the moments when judgment is called for in the first place, and pause to create space to think clearly.

You have little hope of thinking clearly, though, if you can’t manage your defaults.

We’re naturally wired to organize the world into a hierarchy. We do this to help make sense of the world, maintain our beliefs, and generally feel better.

They’re behavioral programs written into our DNA by natural selection that our brains will automatically execute when triggered unless we stop and take the time to think. They have many names, but for the purposes of this book, let’s call them the emotion default, the ego default, the social default, and the inertia default. Here’s how each essentially functions: 1. The emotion default: we tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts. 2. The ego default: we tend to react to anything that threatens our sense of self-worth or our position in a group hierarchy. 3. The social default: we tend to conform to the norms of our larger social group. 4. The inertia default: we’re habit forming and comfort seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.

People who master their defaults get the best real-world results.

Unearned knowledge rushes us to judgment. “I’ve got this,” we think.

Confidence doesn’t make bad outcomes any less likely or good outcomes more likely, it only blinds us to risk.

Most people go through life assuming that they’re right . . . and that people who don’t see things their way are wrong.[2] We mistake how we want the world to be with how it actually is. The subject doesn’t matter: we’re right about politics, other people, our memories; you name it. We mistake how we want the world to work for how it does work. Of course, we can’t be right about everything all the time. Everyone makes mistakes or misremembers some things. But we still want to feel right all the time, and ideally get other people to reinforce that feeling.

The social rewards for going with the crowd are felt long before the benefits of going against it are gained. One measure of a person is the degree to which they’ll do the right thing when it goes against the popular belief. However, it is easy to overestimate our willingness to diverge from the crowd, and underestimate our biological instinct to fit in.

The social default inspires virtue signaling—getting other people to accept or praise your professed beliefs. Especially when there is no cost to such signals.

Doing something different means you might underperform, but it also means you might change the game entirely. If you do what everyone else does, you’ll get the same results that everyone else gets.[*] Best practices aren’t always the best. By definition, they’re average.

Lou Brock might have put it best when he said, “Show me a guy who’s afraid to look bad, and I’ll show you a guy you can beat every time.” In other words, someone who’s possessed by the social default is easy to defeat.

Change happens only when you’re willing to think independently, when you do what nobody else is doing, and risk looking like a fool because of it.

if you find yourself exerting energy to fit in with a crowd, if you’re frequently fearful of disappointing other people, if you’re afraid of being an outsider, or if the threat of scorn fills you with dread, then beware! The social default is in charge.

The inertia default pushes us to maintain the status quo. Starting something is hard but so too is stopping something.[1] We resist change even when change is for the best.

For instance, public statements can create inertia. Putting something on the record establishes expectations along with social pressure to meet those expectations. When new information challenges one of our statements, we might instinctively dismiss it and emphasize the old information that supported it. We want to be consistent with what we said.

Inertia also prevents us from doing hard things. The longer we avoid the hard thing we know we should do, the harder it becomes to do.

While we can’t eliminate our defaults, we can reprogram them. If we want to improve our behavior, accomplish more of our goals, and experience greater joy and meaning in our lives, we need to learn to manage our defaults.

Many of the algorithms you’re running have been programmed into you by evolution, culture, ritual, your parents, and your community. Some of these algorithms help move you closer to what you want; others move you further away.

Joining groups whose default behaviors are your desired behavior is an effective way to create an intentional environment. If you want to read more, join a book club. If you want to run more, join a running club. If you want to exercise more, hire a trainer. Your chosen environment, rather than your willpower alone, will help nudge you toward the best choices.

Criticizing others is easier than coming to know yourself. —BRUCE LEE

Establishing rituals is the key to creating positive inertia. Rituals focus the mind on something other than the moment. They can be as simple as taking a quick pause before responding to someone’s point of contention at work. One of my old mentors used to tell me, “When someone slights you in a meeting, take a deep breath before you speak and watch how often you change what you’re about to say.”

Building strength is about domesticating the wild horses of our nature—training and harnessing them to improve our lives. It’s about turning the headwinds of our biology into tailwinds that carry us reliably toward our most cherished goals. Here are four key strengths you’ll need: Self-accountability: holding yourself accountable for developing your abilities, managing your inabilities, and using reason to govern your actions Self-knowledge: knowing your own strengths and weaknesses—what you’re capable of doing and what you’re not Self-control: mastering your fears, desires, and emotions Self-confidence: trusting in your abilities and your value to others

While that email was neither nice nor fair, it was kind and it changed my life. Sure, my colleague could’ve been gentler.[*] But that didn’t mean he was wrong. Too often, the people we ask for feedback are kind but not nice. Kind people will tell you things a nice person will not. A kind person will tell you that you have spinach on your teeth. A nice person won’t because it’s uncomfortable. A kind person will tell us what holds us back even when it’s uncomfortable. A nice person avoids giving us critical feedback because they’re worried about hurting out feelings. No wonder we end up thinking other people will be interested in our excuses.[*]

Complaining does nothing to change the present situation you find yourself in, though. Thinking about how it wasn’t your fault doesn’t make anything better. The consequences are still yours to deal with. Always focus on the next move, the one that gets you closer or further from where you want to go.

The path to being exceptional begins when you decide to be responsible for your actions no matter the situation. Exceptional people know they can’t change the hand they’ve been dealt, and don’t waste time wishing for a better one. They focus instead on how they’re going to play the cards they have to achieve the best result. They don’t hide behind others. The best people rise to the challenge—whatever it is. They choose to live up to their best self-image instead of surrendering to their defaults.

How You Respond Can Always Make Things Better or Worse You can’t control everything, but you can control your response, which makes circumstances better or worse.

Ironically, the people who care the most about chronic victims often unintentionally encourage their blame game. When things don’t go our way, it’s natural to vent to family members or close friends. They’re loving and supportive and have the best intentions for us. They would love to validate our interpretation of the situation, and offer us relief. But when they do that, nothing has changed.

The lesson was an important one: the things you choose not to do often matter as much as the things you choose to do.

Self-accountability is the strength of realizing that even though you don’t control everything, you do control how you respond to everything.

Know thyself. —INSCRIPTION ON THE TEMPLE OF APOLLO AT DELPHI Self-knowledge is about knowing your own strengths and weaknesses. You must know what you can do and what you can’t; your powers and limitations, your strengths and vulnerabilities, what’s in your control and what isn’t. You know what you know, and what you don’t know. And you know, moreover, that you have cognitive blind spots—that there are things you don’t know, and you don’t know you don’t know them—what Donald Rumsfeld famously called “unknown unknowns.”

It’s Not the Size of Your Knowledge, but How You Use It Knowing just what it is that you know is among the most practical skills you can have. The size of what you know isn’t nearly as important as having a sense of your knowledge’s boundaries.

At dinner one night, Charlie Munger elaborated on the same idea my real estate investor friend had put forth. He said, “When you play games where other people have the aptitude and you don’t, you’re going to lose. You have to figure out where you have an edge and stick to it.”

Knowing about your strengths and weaknesses, your abilities and their limits is essential to counteracting your defaults. If you don’t know your vulnerabilities, your defaults will exploit them to gain control of your circumstances.

A large part of achieving success is having the self-control to do whatever needs to be done, regardless of whether you feel like doing it at the moment.

Confidence vs. Ego Self-confidence is what empowers you to execute difficult decisions and develop self-knowledge. While the ego tries to prevent you from acknowledging any deficiencies you may have, self-confidence gives you the strength to acknowledge those deficiencies. This is how you learn humility.

The most important voice to listen to is the one that reminds you of all that you’ve accomplished in the past. And while you might not have done this particular thing before, you can figure it out.

Confidence and Honesty Self-confidence is also the strength to accept hard truths.

People with self-confidence are honest about their own motivations, actions, and results. They recognize when the voice in their head might be ignoring reality.

In order to be right, you must be willing to change your mind. If you’re not willing to change your mind, you’re going to be wrong a lot. The people who frequently find themselves on the wrong side of right are people who can’t zoom in and out and see the problem from multiple angles. They get locked into one perspective: their own. When you can’t see a problem from multiple points of view, you have blind spots. And blind spots get you in trouble.

Self-confidence is the strength to focus on what’s right instead of who’s right. It’s the strength to face reality. It’s the strength to admit mistakes, and the strength to change your mind. Self-confidence is what it takes to be on the right side of right. Outcome over ego.

We unconsciously become what we’re near. If you work for a jerk, sooner or later you’ll become one yourself.

Becoming like the people around you means that over time you come to adopt their standards. If all you see are average people, you will end up with average standards.

Standards become habits, and habits become outcomes. Few people realize that exceptional outcomes are almost always achieved by people with higher-than-average standards.

Champions don’t create the standards of excellence. The standards of excellence create champions.