Kyland

by Mia Sheridan

A look of peace came over Tenleigh’s face as she gazed at me, her lips parted, and for just a second, I almost couldn’t breathe. Did I think this girl was beautiful? I was wrong. She’s stunning.

“I trust you with my family jewels too,” I finally said suggestively, trying to lighten the sudden, strange mood between us. “I’d like to show them to you sometime.”

Kyland smiled and steered me onto the damp trail. “By the way,” he said, “if this is your way of luring me into the woods so that you can take advantage of me, I want you to know, I’m not that kind of boy.” I snorted. “Oh, you’re exactly that kind of boy.” He looked behind him, pretending to be offended. I laughed. “And you’re the one luring me by the way. This was your idea.”

Friends. Yeah. That’s what we’d decided. It hadn’t made me happy last night and it didn’t make me happy now.

“There’s this line in it that talks about keeping a little fire burning inside, ‘however small, however hidden.’” “Yes,” I said softly. “I think about that line sometimes. I think about how that little fire is hope. I think about how you have to keep it burning to get you through the hard times, the times that seem so painful you don’t want to continue on.” I opened my eyes, looking around at the shifting shadows in his bedroom. “What keeps your fire burning?” “The hope that life won’t always hurt so badly. The belief that I’ll get out of here someday—that I won’t be cold or hungry forever. It keeps me going. It’s my fire. It helps me do the things I need to do to survive, and it helps me hate myself less for doing them.”

But he shook his head, cutting me off. “I’m sorry.” “Sorry for what?” I whispered. “Sorry for not being able to stay away from you. Sorry for not being able to stop thinking about you. Sorry for starting to walk over to your trailer every five minutes since I woke up and you were gone. Sorry for being so damn selfish.” My heart soared even as it dropped. “You’re not being selfish. I missed you today too. It’s okay. I’m not asking you for anything more than you can give. I’m not.” “I’m sorry for that most of all.” “What? That what?” He shook his head slowly again. “That I have nothing to give you. That I can only take from you. And that’s wrong.”

After a moment, he leaned forward and kissed me lightly. “What are your dreams? Tell me,” he whispered. To fall in love with someone who stays. To stop wishing so hard it could be you.

Persuasion by Jane Austen: “But when pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure.” Do you believe this, Tenleigh?—KB I leaned back on the library bookshelf and put my pen to my lips, considering. Finally, I wrote: I think that when enough time has passed, when you’ve survived that which you didn’t imagine you could, there’s a dignity in that. Something you can own. A pride in knowing the pain made you stronger. The pain made you fight to succeed. Someday, when I’m living my dreams, I’m going to think of all the things that broke my heart and I’m going to be thankful for them.—TF Even you, Kyland.

My love for her was fear and pain, and joy and laughter. It was spring flowers and winter frost. How the hell could love feel so damn crowded?

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to beg him to stay with me, take me with him, something. I pictured my mother in that auditorium screaming at Edward and I looked down at my feet, a sudden understanding of some of the deep pain she must carry inside her damaged brain.

When it came to you, I noticed everything. I fell halfway in love with you before we ever spoke a word.

“Because I loved you so desperately. Because I couldn’t leave you here.”

We had everything we needed. None of it was big. Most of it was simple. But what I knew in that moment was that the size of your home, your car, your wallet doesn’t have one single thing to do with the size of your life. And my life…my life felt big, filled with love and with meaning.