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Took her in my arms and lay with her for eternity, like I was supposed to.
My heart shudders violently, reminding me that it’s broken beyond repair.
And I’m left to endure this life without her. Left with no heart and only half a soul and the knowledge that I’ll never love another woman for the rest of my days. I promised her that when she closed her eyes for the final time, and it’s a promise I will keep with my dying breath.
“The way you looked at her. Like you would hang the moon for her.” She sighs softly. “Every woman deserves a man who looks at her like that. Everyone deserves someone who adores them. Someone who would die for them.”
“But hope’s a dangerous thing, right? Sometimes I think it’s the most powerful force in the universe.”
“We can live without most things, even love. But without hope, well, we have nothing left worth living for.” I frown
“No. There isn’t always a ray of light, Mia. Sometimes there’s just darkness and nothing beyond it.”
“But there’s a ray of light to be found in even the darkest of situations.”
She looks just like … Just like what, asshole? Just like a ray of fucking sunshine.
“For the record, I think your ass, and the rest of your body, is fucking perfect.”
“You don’t have to be in control here because I am. I’ve got you, sunshine. Nothing bad is going to happen when I have my hands on you. Understand?”
“I’m leaving because I’m in love with you, Lorenzo.”
soul. “And I would never ask you to. But if I stay here, I’ll convince myself that I can survive on any scraps of affection you throw my way. Don’t I deserve more than that, Lorenzo?”
“I want the whole package. I want kids and maybe even to get married again one day. I want a man who looks at me like he’d hang the moon if I asked him to. And if I stay here much longer, I’ll never summon the strength to leave and find that for myself.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I will never be sad about loving you, Lorenzo Moretti. I’ll never regret a single second that I’ve known you. Just because this is the end of our story doesn’t mean that it has to be all tears and sadness. I’m seeing it as the start of a new adventure. A chance for me to begin again, with a better understanding of myself and the kind of love that I’ve discovered I want.”
“I know you think you’re some tough guy with these walls you’ve built, but you’re letting fear hold you back. It takes real bravery to open your heart and start again.”
“I think you’re afraid of feeling anything for anyone, Lorenzo. Of loving again. But love is always worth the risk. Even if your heart gets broken in the process. What’s the point of living if you won’t let your heart soar?”
“I could never love anyone the way that I loved her.”
My dearest Lorenzo. I know you hate surprises, my darling. This is the last one from me, I promise. If Max has given you this letter, it must be time. Asking you not to be mad at him for keeping it from you is like asking the sun not to set, but please know that I chose him because he loves you like a brother, yet he’s strong enough to see you in pain and still do what’s best for you. Don’t spend too long punishing him for only doing what I asked. I trust him to know when the time is right. He won’t let either of us down. So, you’ve met someone, right? I hope she is everything you need and
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care about you, Mia. I really do. But I can’t let her go.”
“That is why we would never work, Lorenzo. Not because you still love your wife—of course you do—but because you have no idea who I am. For a man so intuitive to my emotions and my physical needs, you don’t actually know me at all.”
“If you knew me, you’d know that I believe every person we love makes their mark on our hearts, shaping us into the people we become. You are the man you are because of Anya. Who knows if I would’ve even liked the man you were before her? But I love the man you are now. And if you truly knew me, you’d know that I would never ask you to let her go.”
“It was a perfect night, Mia. So perfect. You were fucking perfect.”
“Saw what?” I ask, finding my voice. “Our future.” “And was it that bad?”
“It was fucking glorious. I saw you standing at an altar with my ring on your finger. I saw us on our honeymoon on some tropical beach. You were wearing the tiniest fucking bikini imaginable.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I saw us old and gray with our kids and our grandkids.”
“I want every single fucking second of it.”
“I’m so sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said. You were right, it was all guilt and self-loathing. I was hating myself for finding happiness without her, and I took it out on you. And even though what I said and the way I acted was unforgivable, I’m selfish enough to ask you to forgive me anyway.”
“Because I was truly happy the other night, Mia. You make me so fucking happy. I made love to you like you were the only woman in the entire world. And then I saw our future together so clearly, it was all mapped out for us, as though it was exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. I was consumed with guilt for wanting that life—for wanting to give you that life when I couldn’t give it to her.”
“Kat was right, I’m an asshole. It was only when I knew I’d lost you that I realized I can’t live without you. I’m far from fucking perfect, and I know I’ll make mistakes. I’ll still feel guilty sometimes, but I promise to never shut you out again. I’ll always be honest with you from now on, even if it hurts. I swear. You’ll never be second best, sunshine. I’ll remind you every single fucking day how much I love you.”
“So fucking much. With everything I am. I am yours, Mia. Every part of me, even the broken ones. You’re way too fucking good for me, but if you’ll have me, I will never let you spend another second of your life doubting how much I love you.”
“A very smart woman once told me that love is always worth the risk.”
“I love you too, Lorenzo Moretti.”
“You want to know something about our first time? You felt so fucking good. I lost myself in you. And I’ve been losing myself in you ever since.”
“You have every single part of me, sunshine. All of me. Always.”
