How Not to Date a Dragon (Cautionary Tails, #2)

by Lana Kole

“Xander,” they said automatically, eyes widening as they stared at him. “You’re… apologizing.” Milo cocked his head to the side. “Well, yes. That’s usually what you do when you misgender someone, isn’t it?”

“A whip? Really? Are you fucking Indiana Jones?” Xander blinked innocently, deciding that ruffling this dragon’s scales was their new mission in life. “I can’t say I have, no.”

“And what if they turn us away because you look too threatening?” “Me?” they asked in surprise and then drifted their gaze over Milo. “No, you’re right, I would be the threatening one. You look like a puppy.”

“You gotta stop doing that,” Milo groused. “Doing what?” Xander retorted, exasperated. “Taking my breath away.”

“That was just…” they hesitated, swallowing so loudly Milo could hear it. “It was really sweet.” Milo’s lips twitched, heart caving in, emotion welling so intensely he had to swallow around it. “I literally just came down your throat, but I’m so glad you think I’m sweet,” Milo teased, hoarse. Xander snorted, slapping him on the chest, and nuzzled their face into his neck. “You held my hand,” they sniffled. Milo’s heart gave a rather fatal thump in his chest. This was it. This was how he died. Heart swelling with affection so grand it popped like a balloon.

Milo wanted to keep Xander, not like another trinket to collect, but because they deserved the softness and care only Milo could give them. They could play dress up every single day, and Milo could introduce them to the claw foot tub and all the frilly scents he loved. He could buy them new clothes just to rip them off later, just because he could. With a shuddering breath, Milo realized he’d give his whole hoard away if only so he wouldn’t have to let Xander go.

“I have a summons from Lucifer for the dragons,” he said. “I’m Julian, seventh messenger of the seventh region of Hell. Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior?”

“I love you,” Milo murmured once he pulled back, and Xander’s chest went fizzy as their mind filled with white noise. Milo blinked, pulled back, and laughed. “Uh, I mean, in a totally casual, normal way. Y’know, as, I mean—” “I love you too,” Xander admitted. “Uh, I mean, in a really cool, practically bro-like way—”

“Jesus!” Milo shouted, spatula going haywire in his hand and sending the pancake sailing through the air. It landed on the floor with a splat, and Xander covered their mouth to hide their grin as Milo spun to face them. “You wraith,” he hissed. They stared at the dead pancake with amusement. “Well, that one’s yours,” Milo drawled.

“Oh, I get it,” he purred. “You think I’m hot.” Yes. And Xander kind of wanted to suck his dick about it.