I recognize that the ways in which I want to be seen do not align with who I know myself to be. There is a deeper, more real me. I keep her largely hidden, mediate her through these filters, make sure she remains in check. I always believed it was dangerous to let her out. But now I’ve come to understand that it’s more dangerous to keep her bound: If I don’t unshackle her from these oppressive ideas of goodness, that part of her will slowly asphyxiate and I will never know what it will feel like to live fully as myself—not diminished, not bound, not scared.
