On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be Good

by Elise Loehnen

If you look at national statistics, it appears that sadness is a problem for women, that women are far more depressed than men. According to data from the National Institute of Mental Health, the prevalence of major depression in women was 10.5 percent in 2020, versus 6.2 percent for men.[*2] But this statistic offers a limited perspective. Women are more equipped for our sadness, though that doesn’t make us more sad. In I Don’t Want to Talk About It, perhaps the landmark book on male depression, therapist Terry Real asserts that the men in his practice are no less affected by depression; it just manifests differently. He argues that many men are struggling with undiagnosed “covert” depression, which is often paired with an addictive defense. After adding up all the mental illness stats—affective disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorders, and personality disorders—he found the totals evened out. While women officially overindexed on depression, men made up significant ground in substance abuse and personality disorders.