On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be Good
Rate it:
Open Preview
Read between August 5 - August 23, 2023
2%
Flag icon
The devaluation of the feminine can be traced to the emergence of monotheism; its demonization of the goddess and a maternal, nature-oriented worldview; and the rise of Christianity.
2%
Flag icon
Women—the instigator for the fall of men—are at a notable disadvantage as a result: We are compelled to prove our virtue, our moral perfection. But we will never be able to prove our virtue, as the word itself is out of reach for women: Its etymology is Latin (vir), for man.
13%
Flag icon
Devon Price, a trans professor and psychologist, writes of their fellow queer friends in Laziness Does Not Exist, “We feel insecure about living on the fringes of society and recognize that what acceptance we do receive could be taken away at any moment—and so we work as hard as we possibly can to protect ourselves. We take second jobs, pull long hours, get reports in early, and take on responsibilities that exhaust us, wanting to believe that our trophies, savings accounts, and satisfied managers will protect us from ignorance.”
16%
Flag icon
Gilligan’s research describes how boys shape their morality around being someone in the world, adhering to logical and legal codes, whereas girls are conditioned to see their morality as being in service to the world.
23%
Flag icon
Humility doesn’t mean hiding in the side curtains, it just means you should keep your feet planted while you reach for the sky.
27%
Flag icon
As Geneen Roth offers, “Being thin does not address the emptiness that has no shape or weight or name. Even a wildly successful diet is a colossal failure because inside the new body is the same sinking heart. Spiritual hunger can never be solved on the physical level.”
32%
Flag icon
COVID reminded us of the one inalienable rule: There is no certainty, only the illusion of control.
32%
Flag icon
Culturally, being unemployed is one of the most stigmatized states, more than infidelity or divorce.
32%
Flag icon
When scientists from Purdue University and the University of Virginia analyzed data from 174 countries, they found $95,000 a year to be an ideal individual annual income for “life satisfaction” (families with kids need more). North of $105,000 and happiness deteriorates. When people make significantly less than $60,000, they suffer.
33%
Flag icon
per several studies from Berkeley professors Paul Piff and Dacher Keltner, richer people have less compassion.
33%
Flag icon
we have hundreds of thousands of homeless people, yet we pay rent to put a roof over stuff we no longer want to live with.
Kaleigh
Regarding storage units
34%
Flag icon
Our culture is more comfortable with women as sexual objects, static receptacles for male lust.
34%
Flag icon
The culture—and music critics—celebrated this breakthrough, sex-positive hit: It’s bawdy as hell, but that’s the point. It’s a reclamation of the way women have been objectified and described for millennia.
Kaleigh
Referring to the song WAP by Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion
35%
Flag icon
As Orenstein elaborates, “We are more comfortable talking about girls as victims of sexuality rather than agents of sexuality.” In America, the prevailing thesis is that sex brings “risk and danger.” (Danish parents coach “responsibility and joy.”)
38%
Flag icon
As Jungian therapist Marion Woodman writes, “Rape suggests being seized and carried off by a masculine enemy through brutal sexual assault; ravishment suggests being seized and carried off by a masculine lover through ecstasy and rapture. Rape has to do with power; ravishment has to do with love.”
Kaleigh
Ravishment offers the "safety of mutual desire"
42%
Flag icon
We want our needs to be anticipated, even if unspoken, and our boundaries to be respected, even when not visible.
45%
Flag icon
Action is more powerful when it comes from a place of love.
46%
Flag icon
Rather than pushing social justice issues and environmental devastation onto future generations to solve, we must “re-solve” them now. Hot potato–ing accountability isn’t tenable.
46%
Flag icon
The etymology of testimony is testicles—i.e., to swear on them—which is a lovely reminder of how gendered our legal system continues to be. Meanwhile, the word seminal is another frustratingly gendered word, whereas hysterical, a descriptor ascribed to upset women throughout time, can be traced back to the womb, which was thought to wander and create mental illness. The definition of woman itself is fraught, as its etymology is “wiffmon,” or “wife of man.”
49%
Flag icon
Staying engaged requires grappling with a complexity of feelings—sadness and joy, anger and acceptance, facing a larger world that didn’t stop when your own small one came crashing down.
Kaleigh
You don't move on from grief, you survive grief by moving forward with it
52%
Flag icon
The pandemic was a collective opportunity to reject old paradigms and craft new ones.
54%
Flag icon
May we do the work of feeling ourselves, so that we can heal ourselves, rather than acting out of our wounds in a way that wounds others. May we begin to relax into the full cycle of life, to claim responsibility for all our actions and desires.