Rosenberg puts words like should and have to in the bucket of deferential, “life-alienating communication,” arguing that as soon as we begin to identify how we feel and what we need, we become much harder to control and oppress. How many of us are compelled in our daily lives by what we think we should do? By what we have to do? In all this caretaking, we backburner our own needs, never lending them any heat, hoping, perhaps, that someone will notice our selflessness and reciprocate by taking care of us. This is often futile: It’s impossible not to feel resentful, to take that anger and turn
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