On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be Good

by Elise Loehnen

The Gnostic Gospels prompt us to ask: How might a world work in which we recognized a direct connection to the divine, no translator or middleman required? Had Christianity survived as a direct-experience religion that required no church or priest—just a deep, inner knowing—our culture might look quite different.

What exactly constitutes a good woman? The patriarchal paradigm of femininity—selfless, physically perfect, nurturing, obedient, compliant, modest, responsible, self-effacing—persists.

Believing Sloth to Be Sinful, We Deny Ourselves Rest

If I don’t do enough, I won’t be enough. Effort is my best self-protection, my coping mechanism.

Accepting sloth as essential, we can demand support, embrace rest, and reserve our strength for the worthiest work.

Believing Envy to Be Sinful, We Deny Our Own Wanting

To voice desire, to want something, is the first expression of agency.

‘Follow your envy. It tells you what you want,’

“Women struggle to acknowledge what they want,” she offered, “in part, because we’ve been conditioned to believe we don’t actually have wants.”

Accepting envy as essential, we can open the door to every possibility and invite our wanting to enter.

Believing Pride to Be Sinful, We Deny Our Own Talents

We must be likable and unthreatening enough to ensure everyone else feels comfortable—our power must be cushioned.

“Echoists live by the rule: The less room I take up, the better. They are afraid of being a burden.

Accepting anger as essential, we can better recognize our individual and collective needs, and forge a more equitable future.