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Kindle Notes & Highlights
I can’t see my wienie, my little pecker, my loving love rod, unless I lean forward.
lolol
I retrieve a zip-lock baggy from a drawer and place the snotty tissue inside it and seal it up and place it next to my wallet and house keys in the bedroom.
Ummm WAT???
My license was suspended after an unfortunate incident involving a raccoon, a bottle of castor oil, and a road trip down to Galveston.
Lmaoo my imagination is running wild
I also throw things when the opportunity arises; like if a cat walks into my yard, I’ll throw it into the street.
Bartholomew,”
This guy would have a name like that
I have masturbated to Miss Danbury three times, though. Once while I was at work.
This should not shock me as much as it did
The customer ordered the burger with mayonnaise, so I get one of the large mayonnaise jars. I don’t think it’s one I’ve masturbated into before. But it’s hard to keep track.
WAAAT
She’s had more penis in her than…I don’t know…a penis factory.
After the show, I take a poop into a zip-lock and put it in the fridge next to a used jar of mayonnaise and Mimi, the next-door neighbor’s dead Chihuahua.
Before heading to bed, I shoot the kid I have chained up in the basement. 76% of women can be convinced that the sound of a gunshot was actually a car backfiring.
Two days later, Debra would die after spraying herself with hydrofluoric acid that had somehow made its way into her perfume bottle. Sad. But she wasn’t going to be a doctor anyway.
This guy is unhinged lolol
After all that, I go to take a shower, taking the cat and the corn on the cob with me.
I don’t like where this is going
Unfortunately, Wendy died that night, along with all five of her children and three other residents, when her apartment building burned down. Another artist gone before her time.
wtf 😂😂
From my pocket I take a zip-lock baggy with a couple of two-day old turds in it and feed it to Big Bertha. The turds sizzle.
YOOOO
I float through the rest of my shift. To celebrate, I treat myself to a chili burger, even though I rarely eat at work.
The fact that he knows there’s shit in the chili and still eats it blows my mind
After a long shower, I pee into a coffee mug and put it in the microwave for eighty-two seconds and put a sleepy time teabag into it. I drink this while watching a documentary about the prevalence of necrophilia in the concentration camps of World War II. Before going to bed, I send an email to my senator telling him he’ll be assassinated in thirteen days. I have trouble getting to sleep, so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.
Called my husband just to read him this lmaoo
“There he is,” I hear Sara say from my right. “I was wondering when you would come around, Bart.”
!!!!!!!!!!!
