100% Match

by Patrick C. Harrison III

I can just as easily derive sexual pleasure from mayonnaise jars or crawdad holes.

what.

I take the squashed cricket from my pocket and throw it in the fryer with the fries. While this cooks, I retrieve buns, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles from the bar at my work station. The customer ordered the burger with mayonnaise, so I get one of the large mayonnaise jars. I don’t think it’s one I’ve masturbated into before. But it’s hard to keep track. When the patties are done cooking, I put the burger together. In between the patties I apply the yellowish-green snot from the zip-locked tissue in my pocket.

THE WAY I GASPED