More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
I also throw things when the opportunity arises; like if a cat walks into my yard, I’ll throw it into the street.
NOT THE CAT
I’m not simply looking to get my man rod wet. I can just as easily derive sexual pleasure from mayonnaise jars or crawdad holes.
What a wild sentence
She’s had more penis in her than…I don’t know…a penis factory.
Ah yes...the penis factory
Anyway, my shift ends at 6pm and I clock-out on the dot and walk home and throw a cat out of my yard and watch a documentary on how the amputation of a limb affects long-term relationships.
NOT THE CAT AGAIN
After the show, I take a poop into a zip-lock and put it in the fridge next to a used jar of mayonnaise and Mimi, the next-door neighbor’s dead Chihuahua.
So casual
Before heading to bed, I shoot the kid I have chained up in the basement. 76% of women can be convinced that the sound of a gunshot was actually a car backfiring.
HUH?! WHY IS HE SO CASUAL
100% of vegans are snooty and attention-seeking, and they’re impossible to please.
Certified Vegan hater
65% of people—no matter their gender, race, or sexual orientation—who watch reality TV have a diminished sense of self-worth and have virtually no hope for humankind as a whole.
Before going to bed, I send an email to my senator telling him he’ll be assassinated in thirteen days. I have trouble getting to sleep, so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.
What 😭
