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can’t see my wienie, my little pecker, my loving love rod,
Hello😭😭
I also throw things when the opportunity arises; like if a cat walks into my yard, I’ll throw it into the street.
What the fuck 😭
I have masturbated to Miss Danbury three times, though. Once while I was at work.
HELPPP (she’s 80)
I’m not simply looking to get my man rod wet. I can just as easily derive sexual pleasure from mayonnaise jars or crawdad holes.
Not the mayo sirrrrr
I take the squashed cricket from my pocket and throw it in the fryer with the fries.
Sir
so I get one of the large mayonnaise jars. I don’t think it’s one I’ve masturbated into before. But it’s hard to keep track.
I’m ganna cry
I apply the yellowish-green snot from the zip-locked tissue in my pocket. I spread it out over the cheese,
After the show, I take a poop into a zip-lock and put it in the fridge next to a used jar of mayonnaise and Mimi, the next-door neighbor’s dead Chihuahua.
how did we get here
Before heading to bed, I shoot the kid I have chained up in the basement. 76% of women can be convinced that the sound of a gunshot was actually a car backfiring.
AGAIN HOW DID WE GET HERE
Two days later, Debra would die after spraying herself with hydrofluoric acid that had somehow made its way into her perfume bottle. Sad. But she wasn’t going to be a doctor anyway.
A hello
I use the Mimi meat to make these burgers. Chihuahuas make a surprising amount of meat for their size.
cut up the dead kid in my basement and vacuum seal the pieces and store them in the freezer down there. After all that, I go to take a shower, taking the cat and the corn on the cob with me.
Unfortunately, Wendy died that night, along with all five of her children and three other residents, when her apartment building burned down. Another artist gone before her time.
BUT THE WOMEN AND THE CHILDREN TOO
After a long shower, I pee into a coffee mug and put it in the microwave for eighty-two seconds and put a sleepy time teabag into it. I drink this while watching a documentary about the prevalence of necrophilia in the concentration camps of World War II. Before going to bed, I send an email to my senator telling him he’ll be assassinated in thirteen days. I have trouble getting to sleep, so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.
I just never know what direction the sentence is heading
That night, to celebrate a successful date with Sara, I smear my own feces across my naked body then violate the officer’s corpse with her nightstick while I watch a documentary on extreme body modification.
What goes through his mind
She gags and leans over me, removing her hand and vomiting directly into the funnel she’s stuffed into my mouth. It’s hot and sour and chunky, filling my mouth and gagging me. I try to spit it out but Sara has a firm hold on the funnel, making it impossible for me to expel anything. I have only one choice: I swallow the puke. It immediately regurgitates back into my mouth, but with nowhere for it to go, I force it back down. Three times I throw up into my mouth and have to swallow. Eventually, it stays. Sara removes the funnel and tells me that wasn’t so bad. Panting, I say it was pretty bad.
...more
Sara pulls poop out of my butt and smears it on me. I find it somewhat ironic that I was enjoying doing that to myself the night before. I don’t last long when the knives come out and she starts exploring my insides. I’m assuming the video lasts a good while after I’m dead. No reason for her to stop just because my heart does. 0.000000006% of women in the United States make a living doing snuff films. And that one lady just happens to be my perfect match. My 100% match.
