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Kindle Notes & Highlights
This is a work of fiction. None of the people, places, or events described in this novel actually exist or happened. Not that I’m aware of…
foreshadowing is crazy
After the show, I take a poop into a zip-lock and put it in the fridge next to a used jar of mayonnaise and Mimi, the next-door neighbor’s dead Chihuahua. She’ll need to be used soon, before she spoils.
WHAT?!
Before heading to bed, I shoot the kid I have chained up in the basement. 76% of women can be convinced that the sound of a gunshot was actually a car backfiring.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Two days later, Debra would die after spraying herself with hydrofluoric acid that had somehow made its way into her perfume bottle. Sad. But she wasn’t going to be a doctor anyway.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
After a long shower, I pee into a coffee mug and put it in the microwave for eighty-two seconds and put a sleepy time teabag into it. I drink this while watching a documentary about the prevalence of necrophilia in the concentration camps of World War II. Before going to bed, I send an email to my senator telling him he’ll be assassinated in thirteen days. I have trouble getting to sleep, so I stick my finger in my butt and count to fifty.
YOU DID WHAT?!
I recognize the barista as a young woman whose miniature schnauzer I killed last year. She was reading a book at the city park, letting the pup run about. I cornered it behind some bushes and removed all four of its legs with a pair of garden loppers. It was alive when I left but the newspaper reported the next day that it had died. I still have the legs.
WHY?!!!!
That night, to celebrate a successful date with Sara, I smear my own feces across my naked body then violate the officer’s corpse with her nightstick while I watch a documentary on extreme body modification.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
43% of men report having a drink unknowingly spiked at some point in their life. A shocking statistic.
This is well deserved tbh
