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I’d always called her Snow for as long as I could remember, because the girl had watched Snow White more times than any one kid should, and her dark hair and all that sweetness made it an easy nickname to hold on to.
“For God’s sake, you two. It’s not a grocery list; it’s her virginity. It’s not something you check off a list.”
“Bear?” I called out, because I didn’t see anyone in the bar area. I’d called him that since we were kids. He’d called me Snow, and I’d called him Pooh Bear, but he’d insisted I drop the Pooh when we got older. I still laughed when I thought about the way he’d tried to gently ask me to just use Bear because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
I didn’t know when Lila James grew into the sexiest woman I’d ever seen, but she had. And that did not sit well with me.
“Anyway. Have you dipped into the erection pond? That’s code for have you taken the pussy cat out for a ride and popped that cherry. You know what I mean, Lila James?”
I’d like to inject Botox into my boss’s ball sack because he’s a misogynistic pig.
I’d just hold my head up high and be very careful who I allowed in my circle. Just like I always had.
I found it hilarious that he was uncomfortable about seeing me in pajamas, yet I’d dry-humped the man into oblivion. Well, can you really dry-hump someone in the water? I guess I’d wet-humped him? Either way, it was on me, and I had no regrets as long as he wasn’t upset.
“The only thing that hurts is when you deny me.”
If I died right here, right now, buried deep inside Lila James, I would leave this earth a happy man.
I didn’t know when it happened—when I’d fallen completely in love with this woman, but it had happened. I’d finally experienced what my father had always talked about. What my brothers and I had teased him about for years. It wasn’t that the hair on my arms stood on edge like what had happened to my father, or that I knew I would marry Lila James. It was a repeated clarity that I experienced day after day with this woman. My heart no longer belonged to me. It was hers. No one else would ever have it—that I was certain of.
Because, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t checking off days or goals because I was actually living. And having the best time doing it.
#13. Tell Hugh Reynolds that I love him. Not a friendship kind of love. That I-can’t-live-without-you, people-write-poetry-about kind of love. The real deal.
That’s the thing about life—there really aren’t any rules aside from trying to be a good human.”
“News flash. No one has a fucking clue how to make it work, brother. When Dad met Mom, he’d never been in a relationship. They figured it out because they loved each other. No one knows what they’re doing until they find someone worth doing it with.”
She loved me. I loved her. Life was fucking short. What the fuck was I waiting for?
But I’d realized that I actually liked living an awful lot. I’d spent the last few months loving and laughing and living every single day. And staring at a computer screen with rows of numbers was not living to me anymore. I’d changed.
“I know that I can do it. The problem is that I don’t want to. You see, I found out that there is a lot more to life than I’d ever realized. And now that I’ve had a taste, it just doesn’t matter how much money I can make, or what I can accomplish professionally, because it doesn’t make me happy. And I’ve waited a really long time to be happy. So, I hope you won’t be upset with me because I truly am grateful for the confidence that you have in me. But those are shoes that I just don’t want to fill anymore.”
That was the thing about Hugh. He taught me how to have fun and how to do the things that make you happy. And he made me happy.
“Everyone is living, and there’s nothing better than that.” She shrugged.
She was right—this was the best kind of living. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love you, Lila Mae James. You make me want to be a better man.”
“You make me want things I never knew I’d want. And I want them all with you. I knew the minute you came into the bar to talk about your schedule that I was a ruined man.”
He kissed me like it was the first time. He kissed me like it was the last time. He kissed me like it was forever.
