Kid

by Jescie Hall

If it isn’t clear already, I gravitate towards toxicities like a moth to a flame.

“You can’t save a person who doesn’t want to be saved,”

As if her being with someone would make her fall apart. She’s only together if she’s got herself. I understand that more than I wish I did.

She’s a total enigma, and instead of trying to solve the puzzle that is her, people just go along with her scattered pieces, calling it art.

I want to dive into her and fucking drown in her darkness, because I’m crazy enough to.

“It’s not enough just to be inside you. I want to fuck your mind. Reach every corner of that black hole of wonder and live to tell about it.”

“Dark water is a scary, scary place. Things pull you under when you least expect it,”

Today I want to drown in her. Sink down beneath her surface and fucking drown in everything that she is. I want her in my lungs, in my veins, in my soul.

She’s the gateway drug to a lifetime of addictions, not of this world. Her drug is the kind that you overdose on, knowing you’ll never be the same again after her.

She’s the unfinished story I’ve been craving to complete. The words, right there, yet I can’t even open the fucking book.

“I’m just a shattered fool in love with a broken girl.”

“You fix each other,” he calls out. “But only after all the pieces have broken, all the cracks in place.”

“You are worth more than how you treat yourself.

We fight and we fight to continue growing, because we just can’t give up on each other.

“If sanity is the ability to act in a normal, rational manner, exhibiting reasonable behavior, then it’s more than obvious,” I say, before kissing the tip of her delicate nose. “I’m insane for you,” I whisper. “Completely and unavoidably insane.”

“I want to break with you.”

“We fix each other, but only after all the pieces have broken, all the cracks in place.”

They wouldn’t understand the emotional release that comes with the sting of that sharp, beautiful pain we need to get off.

“I love you, Kai,” she says breathlessly. “It hurts, and I’m scared, but I’m in deep, terrifying love with you.”

“You’re my cancer, Kai. You’re my disease. Spreading throughout me, filling my lungs, infiltrating my heart, seeping from my pores...” Her breath catches. “You’re everywhere.”

I think you’re a passionate person. Someone who gets their addictions confused with a true need to feel things. That energy, that passion, it’s yours to own, not the substances around you.

“I’m ready to break for you,” she whispers, still gripping my hand between hers. “But are you willing to crack for me?”

“I’ll shatter myself into a million pieces just to meet your broken.”