Kid

by Jescie Hall

“Have you ever felt like you were supposed to meet someone?”

“No. Never,” she says harshly, with a devilish grin.

“Damn, I thought for sure this was fate.” “Fate? You just saw me kissing a woman. How do you know I even like men?”

“You might not like men, but you’ll like me,” I say, la...

“God, I want to see your sex face.”

“I’ll break your heart, you know,”

“Gotta have a heart to break, sweetheart. And trust me, there ain’t nothing in here worth reviving.” I pound my fist on my chest with a cheesy grin.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

I stand here stunned for a moment. I think I just met the female version of myself. This is what I’d look like as a chick. I’m hot as fuck. I’m into me.

“I’m so hot for you, but I’ll turn to ice before you get the chance to cool.” I gaze from her wild green eyes to her plump, red stained lips, knowing she’s my new toxic substance of choice. “Worth the burn.”

“What?! This is ridiculous!” I scoff. “You have a sister. I’m definitely going to fuck her, just off principle.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s true. If I’m not allowed to fuck you, I’m definitely fucking your blood sister. Like, duh.”

“I’m telling you for your own good. Don’t go down that dark hole.” “I’ma be all in that hole.” I wiggle my head back and forth, taunting her as I talk. “Sliding through again and again. I’m about to set up camp in that hole and live there all summer like a hippie mountain man.”

“I’m Johanna. Jo by family, Han by the people I fuck.”

“But, I do have bones. One big one in particular.” I give her the sex eyes. “A femur?” she asks with excitement. “No way, I got one too!”

“I’m good together,” she replies confidently. I think about her answer—I’m good together. As if her being with someone would make her fall apart. She’s only together if she’s got herself. I understand that more than I wish I did.

“Don’t hate me forever, beautiful. We have a future to get to, you know.”

“My lips were on it first,”

“Are you fucking scared?” Hawke asks, walking towards me on the edge of the roof. He’s demeaning. “No, I just...the wind, it bends me like a piece of wheat grass.”

“I fixate on changing the speed of time to reduce my anxiety about death.”

“I want to stick my tongue inside you again.” I blurt out, staring at her like it’s painful.

“No one is too old for me. It’s about the soul, remember? Your soul makes me hard. Achingly hard.”

“It can’t understand the magnitude of it all, just takes in what it can,” Hans says softly, turning to face me. “Just like us.”

“I want to paint this fucking room with your screams.”

“Kai Immanuel Decker?”

“See, so we should probably just be together already. Let’s date so we can fuck on the regular. Be my girlfriend Han. Love me forever,” I joke, kinda, pushing the limits like I do. “Have my babies. I’ll make you a hot mom.”

her, and now I realize it wasn’t for Han’s sake, it was for mine. Hawke told me she floats through life like a feather in the wind, never sticking around for anyone, not even her own sister. What made me think I could get her to fall from the sky for me?

“I’m so sorry,” she repeats herself, the panic in her eyes not because I had a knife millimeters from killing her, but because her emotions are showing. “I’m sorry I left you. I shouldn’t have.”

“I shouldn’t have left the only person who makes me want to stay.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Han, tell me something real,”

“I don’t want to hurt you again,”

“Then don’t,”

“But I might,”

“Well, a little hurt won’t kill me.” My lip pulls in the corner, prompting her to relax a little. She’s trying. Will she fuck this up? Possibly. But I can’t let her get away now, not when she’s finally opening up. We’ll ease into this, whatever this is. I won’t let her go. I can’t. She’s the only one who’s ever made me want to be something, anything other than what I seem to fall back on.

Like a bucket of gasoline to a fire, we ignite once finally together. With me still straddling her, I pull her into my lips as she grasps my shirt by the hem, clutching it tightly in her hands, pulling me into her.

“You came for me,” I whisper,

Her words are mine, so I change the meaning behind hers. “I love that you couldn’t not.”

“I don’t want to smother the hamster,” I state, cocking a brow in confusion at how the words sounded out loud. She tilts her head. “Is this a dick reference?” “If I ever refer to my dick as a hamster, we have real problems.”

“I’m a lot to handle. When I find what I want, I fucking drown in it, taking everyone with me in my wake. Addictive personality problems.”

“I think you’re a passionate person. Someone who gets their addictions confused with a true need to feel things. That energy, that passion, it’s yours to own, not the substances around you.”

“I’ve just been studying you, I guess. I see them floating through your head and watch as you try to pick the right one.”

“Next time I feel the need to leave,” she whispers, looking down, her lashes fluttering until she finally looks up at me again. “Come with me.”

“I’m already there,”

She’s everything I didn’t know I wanted or needed. She caught me entirely by surprise and my brain is still trying to catch up to my heart. I know she’s bad for me. I know when she says she’s afraid she’ll hurt me, those words are nothing but the truth. She seems like the type that would be impossible to keep satisfied. I mean, she can’t even decide on one gender that would suffice. How could I ever be enough? I’m the one with all the hope. But will it be enough for the both of us?

Fuck. I think I love her.

She woke up and smiled at me. I’m a fucking goner.

“How long were you looking at me?” she asks, turning her head to face me with a mischievous smirk. “Two hours, and eleven minutes,” I answer quickly, checking the clock near the bed.

“I’m fucking crazy,” I spit out with the most serious face. “Crazy as fuck for you.”

“But the question remains, are you crazy enough for me?” “Is this a game? Truth or dare? Dare me, Han. Tell me what to do to prove my loyalty to you and I’ll do it. Anything.”