Requited Unrequited Love

by Mina Ramzy

God, I despise men.

There is a saying in Arabic that goes: Ely etls3 mn el shorba, ynfo5 fel zbady. Literally translated, it means the person who got burned by soup will even blow on yogurt.

I hate it here.

“Yes. He always goes on Sundays, but the past couple of weeks, he’s somehow also wanted to go on Fridays,” she points out. I look at him mockingly. “Oh, has he now?”

We were young and stupid. But now that we’re older, we’re somehow still stupid.

“So, enlighten me, Jeremy. How much are we talking about here?” He hesitates. “One.” I blink a few times. “Hundred?” “Million,” he blurts out. “What?!” I shout and immediately slap my hand against my mouth.

crying laughing 😭😭😭

If it’s meant to be my house as well, I want to pay for half of it.” He chuckles softly. “By paying your installments in installments?”

If all of that doesn’t scream that he’s a sick pervert who works in the underworld and is a rich Mafia boss who will kidnap me and sell me on the black market, I don’t know what would. It might be cute in books, but not in real life. Definitely not in real life.

i- my favorite kind of books 🫣

To be a detective, not only do you have to play the part, but you also have to wear the part. So, here I am, wearing black leather knee-high boots and black leather pants, making it look like they’re attached to each other. I topped the outfit off with a black top and my nude trench coat. I’m also wearing black leather gloves and a black leather beret. In one hand, I’m carrying opera binoculars, and in the other, I’m holding a newspaper I just bought.

check my pocket watch. As I’ve already stated, looking the part is vital to play it, so investing in a pocket watch was necessary. My frontal lobe somehow did not decide against that.

i can't breathe lmaoooooooo

“Officer.” “Yes?” “It seems he’s cheating on me with my brother.” “No way?! Let me see!” He grabs the binoculars from me and puts them up to his eyes. “Which one is your fiancé, and which one is your brother?” “The one with wavy black hair and a white hoodie is supposed to be my fiancé, and the one with curly brown hair is my brother.” “Oh … but your brother does look handsome …” I point at myself. “Handsomer than me?” The officer lowers the binoculars and checks me out. “No, definitely not.”

“Miss, I have to ask, what are you even doing here?” she asks. The officer speaks with a full mouth. “Her fiancé is cheating on her with her brother!” Her nose wrinkles. “That’s awful! You don’t deserve that at all.” “Right? Behind my back at that,” I say while nodding. Augustine keeps doing things behind my back. “Yeah, well, cheating always happens behind people’s backs,” the officer says. “I mean, it’s supposed to happen behind one’s back, but now, it’s in front of my very binoculars at that …” Wait, what? I mean, it’s not supposed to happen at all. He nods at me. “Yeah, that’s awful.” “Would you like some sushi too? Have a break. You’ve been delivering enough,” I say while holding up the box to the delivery woman.

That man is getting crazier with each passing day. I knew this would happen. Men first show you the colors you want to see, and then they show you their true ones. I should’ve listened to my gut. He can’t be trusted.

Alex is going to come up with something completely unrelated to what we were just talking about. She’s the best at coming up with things right on the spot, a natural even. “Picturing you and her having sex,” Alex tells him. A disaster. I’m so glad I’m not facing him right now. I want the ground to swallow me whole, and I don’t care if the destination is hell. I would be satisfied with anything to leave this very moment. “And?” he asks her. Alex answers him with a question. “I’m having a hard time picturing it. Who was on top?” What the actual fuck is happening right now? I mean, God, are you hearing this? Help! Please? Let Judgment Day be now. “We both were. We kept switching until the sun came up for a week straight.”

He smiles softly. “I know what you want to do. You can strangle me when we get home.” “Don’t tempt me.”

“What are you doing? Stop moving,” he murmurs against my ear. I don’t listen and keep moving. “What is that? Oh, can you take your phone out of your pocket? I’m sitting on it.” “No, that’s all me, love, so stop before it gets worse.” Love? Why is he calling me that? No one can hear us anyway. “What do you mean all—” Oh? Oh. Oh no. It hits me, and I freeze. I stop breathing. I become a statue. He is … hard? Now? No, I’m leaving. I try to stand up, but he pulls me back to him with his hands on my waist.

I’m … wet.

girl boss

Adam likes cooking too—no. Stop comparing them, Kristina. Why do I keep doing that?

girl....

So I jumped out of a window to avoid confrontation. Sue me.

My soul almost left my body there,

“I am too. Well, was, until last night.” “You were too what?” “A virgin.” What? I don’t believe that. That simply cannot be true. That was a virgin fucking? No fucking way. “Yeah, right, and I’m the queen of Egypt.” “I had done other things. I just never penetrated someone. You were the first one.” I sit on the edge of my bed, trying to process the words he said just now, still not entirely believing them.

His smirk disappears almost immediately. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.” I turn to look at him through only my eyes and lift one eyebrow. “Or else?” “Or else I’ll fuck you so hard that they’ll be stuck at the back of your head, unable for you to ever roll them again.” My mouth falls open, and it feels as if my eyes are about to fall out of my eye sockets.

i beg your pardon? 😀

grab both his arms tightly for him to face me. “Want me to pull your third?” He flinches and looks bewildered. “Wh-what?” I simper. “Nothing. We need bananas,” I say, walking away since he’s too stunned to move. Who’s left standing speechless now? Idiot.

QUEENNNNN

All these things might mean nothing, but to someone who is only used to being used, it meant everything.

“I laced both your teas with a substance like Viagra.

“I’m going to kill all the men in your life,” he says.

“Hiya. How are you, Kristina?” “Sofia, is it?” “Yes.” “Could you not throw yourself at my husband like that?” “Excuse me?” “Yes, excuse you indeed. Get your hands off of him. Now.” She unlinks their arms. “You can’t be serious?” “I’m dead serious, love.”

GIRL BOSS x100000

“When I gave you gardenias, I meant, secret love. When I gave you clovenlip toadflax flowers, I meant, please notice my feelings for you. When I gave you yellow hyacinths, I meant, I’m jealous of the peasant. And when I give you this”—he hands me the bouquet—“I mean, be mine, my love.” He gets down on one knee. “I’m going to propose to you again. For the love of God, put me out of my misery. Will you be my faux nothing?”

“I’m your woman, and I’m so consumingly in love with you,” I tell him.

“Talk? I swear, Kristina, if you break up with me right now, I might actually start crying. One day? That is too cruel, even for you.”

Relaxation takes over his demeanor again. “Good.” He sits next to me. “In that case, happy one day anniversary.” And he hands me the two canvases.

“Yeah, with Adam,” Augustine mumbles, rolling his eyes, as if disgusted by the name. I narrow my eyes at him. “Are you seriously jealous of yourself right now? Seriously?”