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There was no breath in my lungs left to call his name, to whisper the words I needed him to know in the end—that I loved him, that I’d always love him, that he was my strength and my weakness, my endless joy and my greatest sorrow.
“Isn’t it funny how we’re all just bouncing around in this crazy world, our own stories, our own hurts, all weaving together, changing outcomes, sometimes good, sometimes bad?
He has to be close. There’s a spring. I’ll wait for you. I’ll be there.
“I floated,” I said, tears coursing down my cheeks. “Just like you taught me. I floated.”
“It’s almost like he doesn’t actually want to take his own life, but he doesn’t fear death either. He tempts fate at every turn by taking these crazy risks.”
And then he was standing there, at the very edge of the garden, almost like a fantasy that had suddenly materialized. A soft gathering of butterflies fluttered between my ribs and I blinked, afraid to believe my eyes, my gaze running over him from head to toe.
“But what I did know was that I loved a girl. And I knew I loved her in a way I’d never, ever recover from. I knew I loved her to the very depths of my soul. And I knew she loved me the same.”
“Did you even think it was a choice, Eden?” he whispered back. “For me it’s not. I…I want to make sure it’s not for you either.” A fresh batch of tears coursed down my cheeks as I shook my head back and forth. “It’s not. It’s not a choice for me either. For me, it will always be you.”
“Do you still love me, Calder? Am I the only woman you want? Are you certain?” “God, yes,” he said before I’d even finished the last word. “There isn’t a question in my mind, no doubt in my heart. I want you, and only you, then, now, forever.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “I feel the same way.” “I never stopped loving you. I never will. Ever.”
“I’m tormented by you, and I’m the luckiest man in the world,”
“I want everyone on earth to know you’re mine. And I”—he took two quick thrusts—“can’t even marry you because I don’t have a name.”
And mercy in a world lacking in it, is the purpose of pain. It’s that light in the darkness.”
Because people defined by bitterness end up destroying themselves from the inside out, and eventually they destroy everyone who tries to love them too. That’s not going to be us.”
