You, with a View

by Jessica Joyce

He brings me closer, wrapping me up in his arms and dropping a kiss on my head. “You destroyed me, Shepard. I’m just not ready to sleep yet.”

“No, sweetheart, that’s you. It’s been years since Theo and I have traveled together, and you made it happen. I owe you the world for letting me have this time with him.” He smiles. “And with you.”

“You can borrow him anytime, you know. Even after we get back.”

“Oh, Noelle, no. It’s life. Some of it may be painful, but it’s not bad, sweetheart. You and Theo standing here are living proof of that.”

I look over my shoulder, eyebrow raised, to see Theo’s eyes roll. But he’s grinning, the twin of Paul’s. He’s been looking happier the past few days; checking his quiet phone less, smiling more easily.

I can’t stop thinking about how I want this every day, without an end date in mind.

“Oh,” Paul continues, the smile clear in his voice, “and don’t worry, Teddy. I’ll make your eggs over easy the way you like them.”

LMAO

“When Paul said he’s known from the beginning, when do you think he meant?” Theo pauses, palm pressed to his bedroom door. “I don’t know.” But something in his expression makes me wonder if he does, and he just doesn’t want to say it out loud.

“I fucking knew you could do this. You’re so good, Noelle.”

“The energy between you two is pretty intense. It feels old.”

“Old, like multigenerational. Like lots of forces and people worked to get you together. You’re very, very connected, and that’s rad.”

“Historical data goes against me. You dated a woman who worked for NASA.” “And you mean more to me in two weeks than she did in nearly a year, you little Google stalker,” he snaps out, genuinely affronted.

If you could see yourself through my eyes, your head wouldn’t fit through the door.”

“I hate that you felt like you had to lie to me,” he murmurs. “But just so we’re clear, I want you, Noelle. Don’t think that there are conditions to the way I feel about you.”

“Tell me a secret.” “I don’t want to be done with this in two days.” As soon as that last confession is out, the relief pours through me like adrenaline. “Tell me yours.” He pulls back. “I don’t want to be done with this at all.”

“I meant all of that,” he says. “I want to keep seeing you when we get home.”

I fed off that, Noelle. I had your voice in my head long after high school ended.”

“All our grief is different,

That grief never goes away, but it can grow into something that you can handle, or even grow from.

Then there’s Noelle. Now, I’m going to tell you a secret: I know we’re not supposed to have favorites, and it’s easy for you since you have one grandchild. But if I did have a favorite, it would be my sweet girl. I look at her and my heart feels like it’ll burst. She’s my shadow, always following me from room to room. If I’m sitting down, she’s in my lap. People say we’re alike, but she’s so much braver than me. She’s so curious. Gets in everything! And when she really wants something, she never, ever gives up. I feel this with all my grandchildren, and I don’t want to wish away the years—every minute is wonderful—but I can’t wait to see what she does when she grows up. I know whatever it is, it’ll be spectacular.

😭😭😭😭

I know it feels hard when he tries to push away, but what you have is worth holding on to.”

“Is that okay? Even if things don’t work out with Theo?” He gives me a look, pulling me in for a final hug. “You were hers,” he whispers. “So, now you’re mine, too.”

I want to be the person you said you need.

You already are, Spencer. I just need you to trust that. And me.

“He took a lot, the stalker, because he knew what he was capturing before we did.” “What do you mean?” His smile is so tender it looks like it could break, and I hold my breath, not wanting to disturb it. “Let me show you.”

It’s Theo and me at Tunnel View overlook, the day I took my first photo. I’m in profile, my camera cradled in my hands. It’s clear I’ve just lowered it, and I’m gazing out at the view in wonder. Theo’s several feet away, watching. His expression mirrors mine, but he’s looking at me.

“I didn’t say that I’d spend it with you, but I wish I had. It was the first time I’d thought about what I could do once I’d left my company in a way that made me happy, and that was because of you. Because of what we could do together.”

But this mood of Theo’s is my favorite: when we’re in the middle of a moment he clearly wants to remember. He’ll pull me into his arms just like this, kiss me for a minute or two or five. He makes sure I’m breathless before he pulls back. Sometimes he’ll tell me how happy he is; other times he’ll simply press a kiss to my forehead.

Theo is in the foreground, faced toward the camera, a small smile on his face. He’s holding a piece of paper that says: WILL.

Again, Theo’s holding up a piece of paper, a little smirk on his face. It says: YOU.

I can still feel the heat of his skin against my palms when we came back to our hotel and got tangled up in bed. In the picture, Theo’s sign says: MARRY.

There’s a ring pinched between Theo’s fingers in the picture, and a piece of paper is held up against my red dress. It says: ME?

“Is this real? This is my life?” “Shepard,” he says, grazing his lips against mine. “It’s ours.”

“Where should we go on our honeymoon?” I consider it, but only for a second. Then I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck. “How about a road trip?”