The Woman in Me

by Britney Spears

Artists make things and play characters because they want an escape into faraway worlds, and escape was exactly what I needed. I wanted to live inside my dreams, my wonderful fictitious world, and never think about reality if I could help it.

I wanted to hide, but I also wanted to be seen. Both things could be true. Crouched in the cool darkness of a cabinet, I felt so small I could disappear. But with everyone’s eyes on me, I became something else, someone who could command a room. In white tights, belting out a song, I felt like anything was possible.

There’s a baby here! It’s true what they say—when you have a baby, no one can prepare you. It’s a miracle. You’re creating another body. You grow up saying: “That person’s pregnant.” “That person had a baby.” But when you actually experience it yourself, it’s overwhelming. It was such a spiritual experience—such an incredibly powerful bond.

I’m probably the least fearful woman alive at this point, but it doesn’t make me feel strong; it makes me sad. I shouldn’t be this strong. Those months made me too tough.

I guess what I’m saying is that the mystery of who the real me is, is to my advantage—because nobody knows!

In that moment, I made peace with my family—by which I mean that I realized I never wanted to see them again, and I was at peace with that.