Dear Mothman: A Novel in Verse

by Robin Gow

One recess, he told me he decided his name was “Lewis” and not “Ella.” I said, “Why Lewis?” and he said “After Lewis Carroll, he wrote Alice in Wonderland.” I thought that was such a good reason for a name.

When I start learning about something sometimes I just get so excited and my brain keeps running and running and running—exploding with questions. It’s something I love about being autistic. Can Mothmen be autistic?

Hey Mothman, Can you keep a secret? Here’s the secret: Lewis and I kissed once.

I looked for him in our favorite spots but I never found him. If Lewis isn’t a ghost then no one would be.

I wonder if Mothman ever lost someone. I wonder if Mothman feels like he lost Lewis too.

I decided some of our stories just belong to me and only me. Well . . . I guess I’m telling you. You’re not like everyone else. I think you understand.

Alice said, “That’s a boy’s name.” I said, “I know, I like it.” Hanna asked, “Are you a boy then?” I said, “I like to be sometimes.” They said, “That’s so cool!” and “That makes so much sense.” And, Mothman, it was the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel so alone.

My name—aloud. I picture it flying like a bird or a bat—dancing around us.

Sometimes I feel like you. Showing yourself only as a blur in a few seconds of video.

If Dad did find you, he says he would tell you that you should stop hiding if you’re real. I tell Dad that’s really mean. I start to cry. I don’t understand why until later that night. I think about how I hide and how I don’t want to tell everyone that I am a boy named Noah.

It’s not about being right. It’s about proving to everyone that there is so much we still don’t know about the deep beautiful forest and about what it means to be people— to be queer people.

I’m wondering what it means that I came so close to the world of monsters and that I came back.

To show them everything not just about Mothman but what being a monster means— how it’s like being a queer person?

The beauty of the unknown darkness and wild magic of a creature so few people get to see.

They don’t understand that being trans is magical and awesome and where I feel at home.

If I could add to my science fair project, I would try to answer not if monsters exist but what they’re here for— it’s much more interesting. I think monsters are here to make people like me feel less alone.

Maybe you don’t live only in this forest but in any deep beautiful darkness.

Soon it will be September. Your fellow cryptid, Noah