I do not want smiley lifestyle vloggers with very white teeth and very sculpted faces to begin a video with ‘Hey, guys’ before telling me to try these sweet potato brownies ‘that can be made non-vegan if that’s what you like’. I don’t want that at all. What I want is an imperious dame to tell me to get my shit together. I want a clever, funny, no-fucks-left-to-give woman to give me a list of seemingly random rules to make my life better. More efficient, easier and, above all, more pleasurable. I want her to tell me that I’m a fool if I don’t follow these rules.
