Dear Dolly: Collected Wisdom

by Dolly Alderton

You have to know yourself before you can allow someone else to know you too.

Instead of looking at your life and seeing the lack, look for the abundance.

I don’t think the hours spent in an office or studio or study are more important than the ones spent at home, travelling, or in pubs and parks. I don’t think being a good boss or colleague is more important than being a good friend or family member.

‘When I spend time with my friends, I commit to the full experience of them.’

I’m sorry to say this plainly, but the obstacle standing in the way of a relationship with this woman is that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

My mum has a theory that every couple can be connected in three different ways: spiritually, intellectually and physically. She says you’re lucky if you get two out of three, and I agree with her.

When it comes to desire, perception rather than reality is, more often than not, what fuels the furnace – what they represent to us, what we’ve imagined them to be, what we think they’ll provide in our lives that is currently missing, who we think we’ll be when we’re with them.

And I’d also warn against thinking in superlatives.

Our capacity to be humiliated and humbled by love is evergreen, and there’s something wild and extraordinary about that.

You loved someone and it changed you. Aren’t we the lucky ones.