I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life

by Cody Daigle-Orians

We were all going through the madness and chaos of adolescence, but for some reason, my madness and chaos were completely different from everyone else’s.

Who you become doesn’t invalidate who you were.

But, we have the language we have. So we’ll do what we can to make the best of it.

there’s a thought that runs underneath all of thoseexternal forces: that if something is more common, that thing is more natural, more valid, more right. This belief is false.

It’s okay to take the dots in your life and connect them the wrong way for a while, to put the pieces together the wrong way, or to give your experience the wrong name.

All of this confusion and uncertainty was supposed to be gone now. But here it still was, and it was more confusing than ever.

You can experience some of these but not all of them. You can experience none of them. They can all be present but operate on different wavelengths. All of these things are possible.

Asexuality isn’t defined by behavior.

There’s no harm in not knowing. There’s no failure in not knowing. It’s perfectly human to live in your body and experience what you’re experiencing without fully understanding it.

Labels are tools, not tests.

Don’t worry if multiple labels are the perfect fit.

we should not think of labels so much as what we are, but we should think of them as descriptors of what we experience.

Instead of focusing on definitions, we should focus on our experience. We should focus on what we feel.

You don’t have to know “for sure.”

Who you are and what that means will brush up against the prejudices, stereotypes, and preconceived notions of other people.

Jokes that diminish the essential humanity of a person aren’t funny, and the intention behind a comment or joke doesn’t change the impact of it.

quantity doesn’t determine validity.

You can be ace and attractive. You can be ace and fashionable.

Since my partner, Scott, is an astrophysicist, we began calling our polycule “the constellation.”

I love this so much omg.

Friendships aren’t stepping stones to real relationships. Friendships aren’t testing grounds for real connections.