Was I relaxed? Not even close. These moments were four-alarm fires in my brain. I was really into him. I wanted to be here, on this couch and in his arms. Being close to him, touching him, sharing his space was something I wanted, something I maybe craved. But I knew the “whatever” he wanted was sex, and that was something that scared me, that made me want to push away. I couldn’t find sex in all the things I wanted with him, and I didn’t understand why.
