While bitumen, crude, and all their derivatives are known collectively as petroleum, they fall under the broader umbrella of hydrocarbons. Hydrocarbons are not just oil and gas, they are truly the stuff of life: without hydrogen and carbon, Earth would be a lithic sphere and nothing more—uninhabitable, unrecognizable. Simpler, perhaps, than describing what hydrocarbons are, is describing what they aren’t: water, air, rocks, and metals—in other words, things that are not, and never were, alive in the biological sense. But even with 99 percent of Earth’s constituents off the table, an awful lot
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