The Quiet Tenant

by Clémence Michallon

He showed you a video on YouTube, on a channel called—you had to read the name three times to make sure—Essential Skills for Men. A dude demonstrated how to insert one tool vertically first, how to apply the right amount of pressure, how to insert another tool perpendicular to the first one, and how to work both tools against each other until the lock gave.

The particular YouTube channel mentioned here is made up, but this is a pretty accurate account of my own experiences watching lock-picking videos as part of the research for this book. They always start out very scientific and rational, but there is always a point at which the guy—it's usually a guy—ends up wiggling a tool around, apparently hoping things click into place. My curiosity was so piqued by this that I ended up ordering a lock-picking kit online and practicing on three locks. Out of those three, I can now pick two by basically just looking at them. The third one has remained absolutely impenetrable (but my friend's boyfriend, who has the same kit, assures me that this is normal, and the problem lies with the lock, not us). All of which is to say: I'm pretty convinced that no one truly understands how locks work. Have you ever tried lock-picking?