I’m thinking that if I tell him what I really feel, just lay it all out there, there will truly be no going back from this. That it’s been hard enough just to get to where we are—from strangers to begrudging allies to actual friends—to demolish every painstaking brick of trust built between us by asking for something more. That I’ll have broken every rule I’ve laid down for myself, just to give Caz—beautiful, unpredictable, guarded Caz—all the ammunition he needs to break my heart.