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August 25 - September 13, 2023
Holistic care is the idea that each aspect of self (your social environment, work life, genetic predispositions, etc.) is interconnected within an indivisible whole. When you approach your health holistically, you’re not just trying to find one wrong thing and fix it, you’re working to strengthen each part of yourself so that you can become healthier overall.
Mitigating the risk factors and emphasizing the protective factors from an informed, emotionally aware place is what managing any aspect of your mental health looks like.
As Tolle puts it, “You are a presence in the world, and that is all you ever need to be.”
Balance remains one step ahead, the ever-elusive prize of female modernity.
“How do you balance work and motherhood?” It’s a question every professional woman with kids is regularly asked. Professional men who are also parents are not asked the paternal version of this question because fathers are not expected to be primary caregivers. Men are expected to focus their primary energy on work, then be secondary caregivers or a tertiary presence in the lives of their children. Hence, women who work outside the home call themselves “working moms,” but men who work outside the home don’t call themselves “working dads.” This is also why fathers don’t experience the same
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Men’s sense of self-worth is precarious beyond all our mainstream imaginings. We pretend men are fine. Men are not fine. They’re not sitting high atop their patriarchy thrones laughing down at everyone else. They’re teetering on the corner inch of the fictitious gender binary, trying not to fall off a very real cliff.
In the words of iconic feminist writer Dr. Phyllis Chesler, “How bizarre, how familiar.”
boundaries, burnout, and the infinite dividends of rest.
Self-worth is fluid because all mental health is fluid.
mental health conditions are human conditions.
While it’s both useful and convenient to rely on the diagnostic thresholds that categorical models of mental health are built upon, mental health is way more context dependent and trait based than we currently perceive it to be.
Generally speaking, rigid perfectionism is considered to be a transdiagnostic trait, which means it’s present in some form across multiple mental illness diagnoses. Transdiagnostic mechanisms are risk factors and maintenance factors for disorders, meaning they make it more likely for a disorder to show up, and they make it more likely for a disorder to continue.
Discussing suicide proactively yields immediate benefits, like understanding that there’s no need to wait until the situation feels like a crisis to talk or text and get support.
use the phrase “suicide spectrum” because (similar to the way categorical models of mental disorders are an oversimplification of a person’s contextual, ever-changing psychological experience) a person is not simply “suicidal or not suicidal.” For example, some people are parasuicidal, which is defined by the American Psychological Association as exhibiting “a range of behaviors involving deliberate self-harm that may or may not be intended to result in death.”[21]
therapist Dr. Stacey Freedenthal writes for the wonderful website Speaking of Suicide (www.speakingofsuicide.com),
Your flexibility, openness, acceptance of mistakes (encouragement of mistakes?), and unconditional positive regard for the people in your world are points worth clarifying out loud and often.
A self-punishment is consciously or unconsciously returning to something that you know will hurt you, or denying yourself something that you know will help you.
Rehabilitation and punishment are both reactive, but rehabilitation seeks to stabilize and empower, whereas punishment seeks to demoralize and disempower.
We don’t emphasize emotional literacy in school, so it shouldn’t be all that shocking to us when we come careening into adulthood only to find that we’re emotionally illiterate.
You can’t heal or grow without self-compassion.
Growth looks like two steps forward and five steps back sometimes. Healing isn’t linear or iterative. Healing is a process, not an event, and in the process of healing and learning, repetition is important. Different iterations of the same lesson theme show up repeatedly, and each time they do, you understand the lesson a little more completely. That’s how learning is supposed to work.
The micro-rituals involved in celebrating (receiving an invitation, getting dressed up, clinking glasses, taking pictures) serve as steady anchors to connect us to the joy and momentum of our lives. Without anchors, we drift.
Trying hard at something is a wonderful reason to celebrate, not that you need a reason.
Get it out of your head that the only way to grow is through suffering. You can grow just as profoundly through joy. “Doing the work” is not solely about learning how to recognize and speak our sadness, our anger, and our angst. Doing the work is just as much (if not more so) about learning how to recognize, speak, and celebrate our joy. So often, the latter is in fact the more challenging work.
The projects and relationships you’re working on are important not because they’ll lead to a desirable outcome but because you have deemed them worthy of your precious time and energy.
The more you honor your instincts, the deeper you heal.
Letting go of a goal that isn’t aligned with your values isn’t quitting-quitting, it’s power-quitting.
Kindness is a powerful choice because it disarms your defense mechanisms and helps you broaden and build a path forward. Think about the last time someone was kind to you—not just polite, but kind.
The most powerful perspective shift you could ever make is understanding that you’re already whole and perfect. While you may sometimes need medication or coffee or music or therapy or some other kind of ameliorative tinkering to get you thriving, that doesn’t mean you’re broken; that means you are a human being alive in the world.
You’re allowed to have a layered experience. You can be disappointed and proud. You can be curious about what might have been and grateful for what is.
Going to therapy is one way to get mental health support; it’s not the exclusive way.
A community is any space in which you can regularly give and receive in ways that are meaningful to you.
it’s not always about the new goals you’re able to achieve; it’s also about the old goal achievements you’re able to maintain—the relationships you keep in wonderful standing, the parts of your job you continue to perform so well, any healthy lifestyle choices you remain committed to.
Comparing yourself to others is a maladaptive waste of your energy. You as a person are a whole world of cities unto yourself.
Anything you do to protect, save, restore, and build your energy is productive. Productive activities include but are not limited to sleeping, listening to music, lingering in bookstores, taking a bath, washing your car, completing the work assignment, good conversation, cooking, redecorating, watching a movie, getting a manicure, playing basketball, reading, walking, and singing in the shower.
Women who elect not to have children are not operating at a deficit. Not only do some women not want kids; some women are also completely, joyfully fulfilled by not having kids. These women are not avoiding a full life, they’re not “missing out,” they’re not secretly hurting, and they’re not going to regret not having children. Consider the perspective change we invite when we describe women who don’t want children as “child-free.”
INSTEAD OF: I’m bipolar. TRY: I’m managing bipolar disorder. (You are not your mental health disorder.) INSTEAD OF: She’s bipolar. TRY: She’s managing bipolar disorder. (Other people are not their mental health disorders.)
Prioritizing sleep is a grossly neglected mental health intervention. We pour an astounding amount of money, energy, and time into managing our mental health, all while neglecting a primary driver for mental wellness—sleep.
Our mental health is best honored through practical action. Breathing deeply, walking, sleeping—these are highly efficacious mental health interventions.
