As we’ll discuss more in chapter 4, shame avoidance is one of the most exhausting and futile emotional exercises a person can engage in. You can’t enjoy the process when you’re in a maladaptive space—for the same reason that you wouldn’t enjoy being in a car accident just because you weren’t critically injured. When your entire goal is to win for the purpose of avoiding shame and then you win, it doesn’t feel good—it just feels like you weren’t critically injured.
