Internalizing someone else’s perfect version of you doesn’t always look like getting good grades or appearing perfect; it can include being the child who is silent and unseen, the one who has no needs, the one who provides steady distraction through jokes or troublemaking. Children who don’t feel loved will do anything to earn that love. You need a distraction? I’ll become a project. You need to not be sad? I’ll be happy enough for the whole family. You need me to be less of a burden? I won’t even make a sound when I chew.
