The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power

by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Perfectionists are intelligent people who understand that everything can’t work out perfectly all the time. What they sometimes have trouble with is understanding why they still feel so disappointed by imperfection in the face of that intellectual concession. What they sometimes wonder about is why they feel so compelled to endlessly strive. What they’re sometimes confused by is what they’re striving for in the first place. What they often question is why they can’t just enjoy relaxing “like a normal person.” What they want to know is who they are outside of what they accomplish.

Classic perfectionists are highly reliable, consistent, and detail-oriented, and they add stability to their environment. Left unchecked, they struggle to adapt to spontaneity or a change in routine, and they can experience difficulty connecting meaningfully with others.

Perfectionists are people who consistently notice the difference between an ideal and a reality, and who strive to maintain a high degree of personal accountability.

Perfectionists never stop noticing the gulf between reality and the ideal, and they never stop longing to actively bridge the gap.

Perfectionists are bored by hedonism. Perfectionists love working. Perfectionists love a challenge. Perfectionists want to contribute, create, and grow.

You don’t heal by changing who you are; you heal by learning how to be yourself in the world.

Power lies in accepting that while you can’t control what you feel or the fact that the past impacted you, what happens next is entirely up to you. Power is understanding that your life can become a conscious choice to pursue whatever you want; it doesn’t have to be an unconscious reaction to run from what already happened.

Healing is realizing that you are already whole (perfect) right now, as you are. In this moment, you are worthy of as much love, joy, freedom, dignity, and connection as any human being could ever deserve.

Restoration is a repeating requirement for living consciously. You can make progress without restoration, but you can’t sustain it without restoration.