Tell Me Everything: A Memoir

by Minka Kelly

Family pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods taking down everything in its path until one person, in one generation, has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to his ancestors and spares the children that follow. —TERRY REAL

The way we deal with loss shapes our capacity to be present to life more than anything else. The way we protect ourselves from loss may be the way in which we distance ourselves from life. —RACHEL NAOMI REMEN

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

Hurt people hurt people.

Many of us put off dealing with our negative childhood programming until well into our forties and fifties. These issues come politely knocking at our door in our twenties, then rap louder in our thirties. If you delay looking at your programming until your forties, you are likely to have the message delivered with sledgehammer blows. —GAY HENDRICKS AND KATHLYN HENDRICKS

“sensitive people change the world, and the rest don’t give a damn.” And

Children whose emotional needs are not met by their parents end up blaming themselves. It’s the root of shame, a sense of wrongness that can be so hard to shake.

One skill a child learns from having alcoholic or drug-dependent parents is to anticipate the needs of those around them. I learned to take care of everyone and make them happy, you before me at all costs, in an unconscious effort to control my environment or to feel needed so to feel worthy, and that doesn’t translate into an authentic and truthful relationship.