Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder

by Gabor Maté MD

We bequeath to our children not only what we honor in ourselves and in our parents; each generation also passes much of its own negative experiences on to the next, quite without wishing to do

The greater prevalence of ADD in North America is rooted in something more prosaic and more disturbing than genes from adventuresome forebears:

the gradual destruction of the family by economic and social pressures in the past several decades.

How poorly today’s North American way of life serves the needs of the human body

Although society has created economic pressure on women to participate in the workforce when children are very young, it has made little provision for the satisfaction of children’s needs for emotional nourishment and stimulation.

the unequal division of emotional work is a major cause of depression in women, and therefore an important negative influence on the developing brain of the young child.

there is no more important task in the world than the nurturing of the young during the earliest years.

American culture that are also typical of ADD? The fast pace. The sound bite. The bottom line. Short takes, quick cuts. The TV remote-control clicker. High stimulation.

U.S. society as “this most frenetic of cultures.”

Dissociation, including the tuning-out of ADD, originates in a defensive need—it is a form of psychological defense.

The original purpose of dissociation is to separate conscious awareness from some emotional pain we are experiencing,

For a person with ADD, tuning out is an automatic brain activity that originated during the period of rapid brain development in infancy when there was emotional hurt combined with helplessness.

Because of insufficient self-regulation, children with ADD are often underaroused or overaroused. In the first state, they cannot get going on a task; in the second, they cannot focus on

it.

Attention and emotional security remain intertwined throughout childhood.

The classroom behavior of ADD children, to give a common example, is frequently said to be disruptive.

they are obsessed with trying

to get their relationship needs met.

The Latin root of distract is “draw away”—drawing

“It’s as if I’m always trying to catch something that isn’t there,”

The origin of shame is the feeling of having been cut off from the parent, of having lost the connection, if only momentarily.

Shame

postures are observed in infants in response to nothing more than the parent breaking eye contact.

“I’m

sorry” is the most common phrase in the vocabulary of attention deficit disorder.

Like so much else about attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity, lethargy and shame are closely connected with the neurological memories of the distant, stressed or distracted caregiver.

The adult with attention deficit disorder needs also to gain a deeper understanding of herself, to undertake the task we will later describe as self-parenting.

If development is to take place, energy has to be liberated for growth that now is consumed in protecting the self from further hurt. The key factor is cementing the attachment relationship.

Restoring relationships on a healthy basis promotes mental organization.

She does not have to do anything, or be any different, to earn that love—in fact, she cannot do anything, because the love cannot be won and cannot be lost.

the attachment relationship with the parent has to be made paramount. Our immediate objective of getting the child to obey or to perform this or that task may need to be sacrificed.

Time out

is If you do not do as I want you to do, if you displease me, I am quite ready to sever the relationship with you.

ADD children, without exception, harbor a deep insecurity about themselves.

There may be self-abusive statements such as “I’m stupid.” There may also be their opposite: a complete denial of the child’s own negative contributions to her interactions with others: “So-and-so is mean. She is always starting fights.” When someone’s shame is deep, he may defend himself by rejecting even the slightest suggestion of wrongdoing

Reinforcing the child’s confidence that achievements are not needed to earn the parent’s acceptance and respect

comments about the deed rather than about the child, about the effort rather than about the result. And he refers to the child’s own emotions. “You really worked hard on that. Good for you.

sensitive child.

also feels confirmed in his core belief that he does not deserve warm contact with anyone.

Goal: Allowing the child to feel that the attachment relationship is greater than whatever argument or disagreement may

come between him and the parent

Others with ADD thrive on constant turmoil and change. This also is a failure of internal regulation expressed in the need to take up new activities, new relationships or new situations constantly because the interest

and energy level cannot be sustained from within, without highly charged external stimuli.

Almost all parents with an ADD child report that their son or daughter has an uncanny power to dictate what the emotional atmosphere of the family will

be.

“the climate in our ho...

from fair to foul in a matter of seconds. When he is happy, it is sunshin...

If the child knows that the parent is okay even if the child is not okay, he feels safer. Whatever his immediate response may now be, it no longer has the power to escalate the conflict. He can relax a little.

There may be the semblance of a close relationship between parent and child, but in reality the child’s individuation is hindered, as he grows up feeling automatically responsible for the parent’s feeling states.

Later the child will harbor a sense of responsibility for the whole world.