Just as with unconditional acceptance, the child should not have to work for attention either by destructive acts or by look-at-me behaviors, or by “good boy, good girl” compliance. The hunger is eased by the parent’s seizing every possible opportunity to devote positive attention to the child precisely when the child has not demanded it. “We have to satiate the child with attention, stuff her full of it until it’s coming out her ears,” says the developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld. Once the attention hunger is alleviated, the “just-looking-for-attention” behaviors will lessen.
