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It’s not until the words leave my mouth that I realize how true they are. Until Holden, I’d never put much stock into the sense of possession. The ownership of another person—mind, body, and soul. But with him, I want it. Crave it, even. I want him to be mine in every sense of the word. And I’m not gonna stop until it happens.
“There’s no part of you that’s untouched by me now, baby,” I murmur between pants before withdrawing from his body. “No piece of you that isn’t mine.”
I want to love him out loud; I really do. Let every person on this planet know Holden Sykes chose me, and I’m never letting him go.
“This is the first time since we’ve been friends that I’ve actually done something for me. Where I put my happiness above yours.”
Nothing about being with Holden is a mistake. Nothing about him feels like one…apart from how it’s destroying a decade-old friendship right before my eyes.
“You’re not sorry about what happened with Holden, you’re just sorry you got caught stealing him in the first place.”
It’s not stealing if he’s meant to be mine.
Standing here after a face-off with my best friend, I realize I’m on the precipice of just that. Choosing between my loyalty to him and the person who makes my entire world stop. And for the life of me, I don’t know how to choose. I don’t even think I can. Maybe because the reality of it is…I don’t deserve either of them.
It’s the kind of love that only comes once in a lifetime. The one worth breaking all the rules for.
“We could be fucking forever, Nix!” I swipe my hand over my hair, wondering how in the hell he can be so blind. “I look at you and see the rest of my life. All the shit I never knew I wanted. Or needed, for that matter.
“I don’t love you,” he says, his voice a rough whisper. “I never have.”
“Eyes and mouth, Nix. Eyes and fucking mouth.”
“Forget us and choose you. Your happiness, your future.”
“I’m yours, Nix. Always. You have to know that. So choose you, baby. ‘Cause I’m choosing you too.”
“You’ve always been my number one, but it’s time I’m my own number one, Kase.” I scrub the back of my neck awkwardly. “I fell in love with Holden. No matter how much sense it doesn’t make, no matter if it all blows up in my face, I love him. He looks like the rest of my life, and I’ll never forgive myself if I throw that away. Not for you, not for anyone.”
As much as it doesn’t make sense, and as much as I wish it weren’t the case, it does. He’s the person I want to talk to every waking moment of the day. The person I want to punch people for at concerts or curl in bed with and study the steadiness of his heartbeat. When I look at him, I see what my parents have. The kind of love that negates odds or logic.
Phoenix Mercer has my heart in a chokehold, and he’s making no sign of ever letting it go.
He brings me a sense of peace I haven’t known since my parents were alive, and I don’t want to live without it anymore.
“Out of all the lies I’ve told through this entire mess, telling you I didn’t love you was the biggest one of all. There’s nothing and no one I want more than you,” he murmurs, fingers scraping against the back of my head. “I love you, baby. And I’m so fucking sorry for making you think otherwise.”
Choosing me means choosing you, too.”
“I’m just glad your eyes finally match your mouth.”
“You fuck me up, Nix,” he murmurs, his lips brushing mine with every word. I smile against his mouth. “I know, baby. You fuck me up, too.”
