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The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels riddled with scars.
“I’m going to take care of you,” the angel said as he squeezed those pale, delicate fingers. “No matter what, I’ll always take care of you.” And his Other blushed, the heart wrenching pink traveling down his neck to paint his chest. He smiled, eyes swirling with purple starbursts, and said, “I know.”
Funny how it took a twenty-year-old boy to finally teach Noel what it meant to value and respect himself—something Malachi never wanted him to learn. Because if Noel ever understood his worth, he would never kowtow to Malachi again.
“Don’t belittle my need to feel safe. You of all people are not allowed to do that.”
It had taken him longer than he was proud of to admit he’d been trapped in an abusive relationship. But that was how manipulation worked. It was never Malachi’s fault but Noel’s. It was always an accident and would never happen again. Promises, promises.
It was all so cold. And that was the true horror of it. There had been no malice, no hatred. Only entitlement. He wanted her, so he took her. Easy. Simple. Mundane.
I wanted Gideon, my anchor, my safety. I wanted Jai, my strength, my freedom. I wanted Noel, my passion, my love.
“Listen to me. Death is inevitable. It’s not something you can stop. And I would rather die tomorrow at Lucifer’s hand, having had you for as long as possible, than to live another hundred years without you.” “Gideon—” “And if the Maker calls me home before you, know that I will wait for you on the shore, watching for your boat on the horizon until we’re together again.”
“There are worse things than dying.”
“Sometimes, you have to be a monster to defeat the demons. But once you accept it, once you face it, you will learn to control it. And you won’t be alone.” He tapped his tattooed neck. “When you think you’re lost forever, they’ll pull you back. Because love is stronger than hate. Light is stronger than darkness. But you have to fight for it.”
“But courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s what you do in the face of it. So face it and fight.”
“You can pretend I never said anything.” I hated the way my voice broke, the way I trembled like a leaf. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know we’re not… I know I’m not what you want, and that’s okay. But can I still love you? Is that—can I just love you? Please don’t be mad that I love you.”
My arms slipped around his neck, fingers diving into his hair. I melted against him like butter on a skillet.
“Everyone wants me to be okay, and I’m trying… but I’m not okay.”
I forced myself to look down the shoreline and witness the countless boats. Too many had died. For me. They shouldn’t have. After everything I’d done, I didn’t think I was worth the price paid.
