And the truth is also that l love doing these things because I love these people. But in the quiet before Manal responds, I feel confronted anew with the flip side of this way of being with other people—a way that’s based in fear of people leaving, that prevents me from asking things of people in turn. That makes me recoil when others try to be there for me, even when I don’t ask. That prevents me from being vulnerable, setting up a double standard where I’m convinced that vulnerability is a repellent in myself but not in others.
