Educated

by Tara Westover

as if not knowing what day I was born delegitimized the entire notion of my having an identity. You can’t be a person without a birthday, they seemed to say.

the odds are better if you rely only on yourself.

I couldn’t defend myself, because I didn’t understand the accusation.

It’s strange how you give the people you love so much power over you,

Curiosity is a luxury reserved for the financially secure: my mind was absorbed with more immediate concerns, such as the exact balance of my bank account, who I owed how much, and whether there was anything in my room I could sell for ten or twenty dollars.

I began to experience the most powerful advantage of money: the ability to think of things besides money.

“First find out what you are capable of, then decide who you are.”

Mill claimed that women have been coaxed, cajoled, shoved and squashed into a series of feminine contortions for so many centuries, that it is now quite impossible to define their natural abilities or aspirations.

but there was something nourishing in setting aside that time each week, in the act of admitting that I needed something I could not provide for myself.

But vindication has no power over guilt. No amount of anger or rage directed at others can subdue it, because guilt is never about them. Guilt is the fear of one’s own wretchedness. It has nothing to do with other people.