The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

by Harriet Lerner

But she did need to make Bob less of a force in her life. Her anger kept her attached to Bob, even though her conscious intention was to get over him. Negative intensity preserves our sense of togetherness with the other person as surely as does positive intensity. Mary’s anger was the glue that kept her stuck to Bob,