Learning to not give advice, and to ask questions instead (“What’s your greatest fear about how your illness will affect us?”) was no small achievement for Sam, because it went against his automatic way of operating. When I first met Sam, he thought it was his sacred calling to fix others, and he didn’t pay attention to whether his advice was actually appreciated at a particular moment. When Pamela was feeling emotionally flattened, he was quick to editorialize about her situation and to tell her what she should do to improve her attitude and health. Or he might give her a pep talk or a
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