For Laci: A Mother's Story of Love, Loss, and Justice

by Sharon Rocha

I’ve heard that a sociopath can live a fairly normal life without any obvious signs of trouble for years. As long as their lies are minor, they can maneuver through their complicated situations. But if they feel backed into a corner, they can become dangerous. I’ve often wondered if that’s what happened to Scott.

They believed, based on their experience, that Laci was probably killed while she was asleep.

I knew if I spoke, I was going to feel again, and that meant I was going to be in unbearable pain again, and I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

Most of all, though, there’d been pain, and I was tired of the pain. I no longer wanted to feel anything. I thought if I stayed in the same position, I wouldn’t feel anything. I thought if I closed myself off from everything, maybe I could avoid the pain. I thought if I simply stayed under the covers and didn’t move . . .

And the instant I opened my mouth, I came to the surface and I could feel again and started to cry—exactly what I didn’t want. I wept steadily, until I closed my eyes and managed to return to that place where I didn’t feel.

“She’s the reason I go out there every day,” he said. “Every single one of us has this picture on our clipboards. We look at her every time we go out on the bay to search for her.” Then, with tears in his eyes, he said, “We won’t stop looking for Laci until she’s found.”

I thought about how so much of life is made up of the little, seemingly uneventful moments that happen in between the big events.

‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ I still cry every day.

The leading cause of death among pregnant women is murder, and the father of the baby commits the overwhelming majority of those murders.