Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

by Richard Ferber

The gradual approach accomplishes the same goal in a much more compassionate way. Your child has to learn some new rules, but he will not understand them at first. He should know that you are still nearby and taking care of him, and he can learn that only through experience. If you abruptly began staying out of his room all night, he would still learn that you always come back eventually and that you aren’t abandoning him, but the lesson would be unnecessarily harsh. By waiting only a short time before going in to check him, you put him through much less uncertainty. He will begin to see after only a few wakings that you are still around and responsive to him. He may be angry that you are not rocking him, but since you keep returning, he will not be frightened by your apparent disappearance. As you increase the waiting times, he’ll learn to anticipate that as well. Eventually he will simply find it preferable to go back to sleep than to cry for fifteen or twenty minutes knowing he won’t be rewarded with rocking, holding, or nursing. At the same time, he is learning to fall asleep, and feel comfortable, alone in the crib or bed.