Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live

by Martha N. Beck

To get into—or, more accurately, through—your grief, you have to make a safe place for mourning. At a bare minimum, you need privacy and quiet. Ideally, you’ll have a warm, comfortable place where you can lie down and wrap yourself in a blanket or two (this creates the sensation of being cuddled, which is very conducive to effective grieving). You’ll also need paper and a pen; expressing your feelings by writing about them can keep them from becoming unendurable. A stereo of some kind and some good sad songs are also very useful. Any song that helps you cry will access your grief, move it through you, and help you release it. Both listening to sad music and writing down your feelings are ways of connecting with other people. By writing, even if no one ever reads what you write, you communicate your sorrow. Music can make you feel that the