I can see myself being groped by a boy in high school, feeling that combination of shock and curiosity—and drinking to counter the feelings. I can see myself in college, reeling up the stairs toward Bruce’s dorm room, out of control—too drunk to have feelings. I can see myself flirting at a party, not knowing how to stop the flirting from escalating, not knowing how to turn off what I’ve seemed to turn on—and drinking to shut down the confusion this generates, drinking to keep myself going.
