Unlimited Power: The New Science Of Personal Achievement

by Anthony Robbins

Now go to your middle fingers, which stand for verbs, and ask “How specifically?”

Now put your index fingers together, the ones that represent nouns and “who specifically, what specifically.” Whenever you hear nouns—people, places, or things—in any generalized statement, respond with a phrase that includes “who [or what] specifically.”

Remember, the closer the map approximates a real territory, the more valuable it is. The more you can discover what the territory is made of, the more power you have to change it.

Now press your thumbs together for the last part of the precision model. One thumb says, “too much, too many, too expensive.” The other says, “compared to what?”

Here are some additional patterns to listen for. Avoid words like “good,” “bad,” “better,” “worse”—words that indicate some form of evaluation or judgment. When you hear phrases like “That’s a bad idea” or “It’s good to eat everything on your plate,” you can respond with “According to whom?” or “How do you know that?”

If someone says, “I want to change my experience,” the way to redirect it is to say, “What do you want to experience?”

There are other ways to direct communication by asking the right questions. One is the “outcome frame.” If you ask someone what’s bothering him or what’s wrong, you’ll get a long dissertation on just that. If you ask, “What do you want?” or “How do you want to change things?” you’ve redirected your conversation from the problem to the solution. In any situation, no matter how dismal, there’s a desirable outcome to be achieved. Your goal should be to change direction toward that outcome and away from the problem.

Do this by asking the right questions. There are any number of them. In NLP they’re referred to as “outcome questions.”

“What do I want?” “What is the objective?” “What am I here for?” “What do I want for you?...

Here’s another important frame? Choose “how” questions over “why” questions. “Why” questions can get you reasons and explanations and justifications and excuses. But they...

All your communications with others and with yourself should stem from the principle that everything happens for a purpose and you can use it to serve your outcomes. That means your communication skills should reflect feedback, not failure.

Rapport is the ultimate tool for producing results with other people.

“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.“ —Abraham Lincoln

How do we create rapport? We do it by creating or discovering things in common. In NLP language, we call this process “mirroring” or “matching.”

You can mirror interests—that is, have a similar experience or style of dress or favorite activity. Or you can mirror association—that is, have similar friends or acquaintances. Or you...

All these experiences have one thing in common: They’re communi...

if we are just trying to create rapport merely by the content of our conversation, we’re missing out on the largest ways we could be communicating commonality to the brain of another person. One of the best ways to achieve rapport is through mirroring or creating a common physiology with that person.

So how do you mirror another person’s physiology? What kinds of physical traits can you mirror? Start with his voice. Mirror his tonality and phrasing, his pitch, how fast he talks, what sort of pauses he makes, his volume. Mirror favorite words or phrases. How about posture and breathing patterns, or eye contact, body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, or other distinctive movements?

For the next several days, you should practice mirroring people you are with. Mirror their gestures and posture. Mirror the rate and location of their breathing. Mirror the tone, tempo, and volume of their voice. Do they feel closer to you, and do you feel closer to them?

When you break it down, there are two keys to mirroring—keen observation and personal flexibility.

Engage someone in conversation. Mirror him in posture, voice, and breathing. After a while,

gradually change your posture or tone of voice. Does the other person follow you after a few minutes? If he does not, simply go back and pace again. Then try a different lead and make the change less radical. If, when you attempt to lead someone, he does not follow, it simply means you do not have enough rapport yet. Develop more rapport and try again.

The question is why people react so differently to identical messages.

If you address someone in the right key, you can do anything. If you address him in the wrong one, you can do nothing.

If you want to be a master persuader, a master communicator, in both business and in personal life, you have to know how to find the right key.

The path is through metaprograms. Metaprograms are the keys to the way a person processes information. They’re powerful internal patterns that help determine how he forms his internal representations and directs his behavior. Metaprograms are the internal programs (or sorts) we use in deciding what to pay attention to.

To communicate effectively with a person, you have to understand his metaprograms.

Even though the situations may vary, there is a consistent structure to how people understand things and organize their thinking.

The first metaprogram involves moving toward something or moving away.

Some people tend to be energetic, curious risk takers. They may feel most comfortable moving toward something that excites them. Others tend to be cautious, wary, and protective; they see the world as a more perilous place.

To find out which way people move, ask them what they want in a relationship—a house, car, job, or anything else. Do they tell you what they want or what they don’t want?

The second metaprogram deals with external and internal frames of reference.

Ask someone else how he knows when he’s done a good job. For some people, the proof comes from outside. The boss pats you on the back and says your work was great. You get a raise. You win a big award.

For others, the proof comes from inside. They “just know inside” when they’ve done well.

The third set of metaprograms involves sorting by self or sorting by others.

Some people look at human interactions primarily in terms of what’s in it for them personally, some in terms of what they can do for themselves and others.

The fourth sorting program involves matchers and mismatchers.

This metaprogram determines how you sort information to learn, understand, and the like. Some people respond to the world by finding sameness. They look at things and see what they have in common. They’re matchers.

Other people are mismatchers—difference people. There are two kinds of them. One type looks at the world and sees how things are different.

The other kind of mismatcher sees differences with exceptions. He’s like a matcher who finds sameness with exceptions in reverse—he sees the differences first, and then he’ll add the things they have in common.

To determine whether someone is a matcher or mismatcher, ask him about the relationship between any set of objects or situations and note whether he focuses first on the similarities or the differences.

The next metaprogram involves what it takes to convince someone of something.

The convincer strategy has two parts. To figure out what consistently convinces someone, you must first find out what sensory building blocks he needs to become convinced, and then you must discover how often he has to receive these stimuli before becoming convinced.

To discover someone’s convincer metaprogram, ask, “How do you know when someone else is good at a job? Do you have to a) see them or watch them do it, b) hear about how good they are, c...

The next question is, “How often does someone have to demonstrate he’s good before you’re convinced?” There are four possible answers: a) immediately (for example, if they demonstrate that they’re good at something once, you believe them, b) a number of times (two or more), c) over a period of time (say, a few weeks or a month or a year), and d) consistently.

Another metaprogram is possibility versus necessity.

Some people are motivated primarily by necessity, rather than by what they want. They do something because they must. They’re not pulled to take action by what is possible. They’re not looking for infinite varieties of experience.

Others are motivated to look for possibilities. They’re motivated less by what they have to do than by what they want to do. They seek options, experiences, choices, paths.

Another metaprogram is a person’s working style.

Some people are not happy unless they’re independent.