KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control. Abuse and respect are opposites. Abusers cannot change unless they overcome their core of disrespect toward their partners. Abusers are far more conscious of what they are doing than they appear to be. However, even their less-conscious behaviors are driven by their core attitudes. Abusers are unwilling to be nonabusive, not unable. They do not want to give up power and control. You are not crazy. Trust your perceptions of how your abusive
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