I never thought of him as possessive until I read that title —> memories rushing in.
He wants me to go everywhere with him, even if it’s not in my best interest (Denver, Telluride this past winter during my HBOT treatments).
I told him I wanted to go home to Michigan for a long trip.
He seemed to nod; the next day, he asked me when I wanted to get flights with him.
I said- I didn’t think you could really come on a long trip? I want to stay there for at least a month.
Remy- but we have buddy passes, flight tickets are up 20%, we don’t have money.
Katrina- I can go by myself, I’d actually like to have a long stretch with my family, especially since I’m finally feeling better from long COVID.
Remy- sad, doesn’t accept, repeats we need to use buddy passes d/t money. Also, he cannot go for a long period of time like I want to because of work/money it takes to pay for a dogsitter.
Katrina- can’t get through to him, starts to feel terribly about our money situation cause if we had two incomes it would be a lot easier, ends up feeling shitty, no decision has been made.
Then, realizing how much I need this time to heal with my family, that two of my grandparents have died since I came to Utah, my nonny is still alive and I’m so fucking scared she’ll pass away while I’m gone and I won’t have had the time with her that I’m torn up inside about, I decide to ask again, and reframe it.
I haven’t asked in a few weeks because I’m feeling defeated. The conversation barely changes, no matter how much I try to come up with the “best way” to ask. It always goes back to buddy flights, money, guilt about myself not contributing, dogsitter, and then no resolution. Just a circular conversation from hell.
If he read this, he’d say he has paid for me to go home before when I asked (like over Christmas- but, there was even arguing about how long I was able to stay home then. He probably would say he “doesn’t remember arguing over that”).
